


go forth and suffer

by toadsage



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Danzo had more power, Depression, F/F, M/M, Multi, Post-War, fucked up timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:33:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toadsage/pseuds/toadsage
Summary: They are waiting for him, Sasuke wants to think, although that was perhaps a little self centred. There are many other soldiers they could be waiting for, the many people returning home and leaving every day makes the population of Konoha transient at best. He supposes this is what peace means. It’s a definition he’s been working on ever since the end of the war, still not sure how the word tastes in his mouth.





	1. a building of a person (scheduled for demolition)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the au I've been sweating over trying to bang out the kinks in the timeline, but there is quite a bit of gratuitous handwaving so please just. Take some elements at face value. 
> 
> Thanks to my beta lesbiankage for making me write this and supporting me through my sasukiba rants about how good they are together. 
> 
> The title comes from "Suffer" by The Smith Street Band. That whole album is just the vibes for this fic. 
> 
> There's quite a bit of canon-typical violence, some vague mentions to childhood abuse, and drug/alcohol abuse in this fic. Nothing is very graphic but please be warned.

The five of them are a sight, standing at Konoha’s gates with their weapons down and expressions blank. They are waiting for him, Sasuke wants to think, although that was perhaps a little self centred. There are many other soldiers they could be waiting for, the many people returning home and leaving every day makes the population of Konoha transient at best. He supposes this is what peace means. It’s a definition he’s been working on ever since the end of the war, still not sure how the word tastes in his mouth. 

Sakura draws his attention first. Compared to the others, she doesn’t look as imposing, she doesn’t command the same presence that the others do, especially not next to Tsunade, her mentor. She’s not terrifying (just yet, anyway, he’s seen her in battle) or even particularly beautiful. She’s no frills, everything functional and austere. The only indulgence is the deep magenta of her shirt (the same colour she wore when she was young) and the red ribbon tying her short hair up off the back of her neck. She’s not the same annoying girl that Sasuke knew when he was young. She’s grown into her own, her stance sure-footed and posture confident. She watches his approach with her pale green eyes, and it still shocks Sasuke to see them so blank and serious, even after all these years in which he _knows_ she’s grown. The seal on her forehead, a bright purple standing out from her deep skin is evidence enough that she’s excelled under Tsunade’s tutelage. 

He knows better than to expose himself, to turn his head to the person on the other side of their little line, five of the world’s best ninja all watching him expectantly. He can’t afford to show the weakness that looking at Naruto would expose in him. (He doesn’t even want to look past the third person, doesn’t even want to acknowledge his existence.) Instead, he focuses his gaze on Tsunade, ogling her chest appreciatively, and only half of it is faked. It’s such a dick move, he knows it, but it’s easy and expected of him. He’ll get a good laugh out of betting on her breast size, debating what the best way to check is. 

“Stand down,” is the order Kakashi gives, finally breaking the tension. The ANBU that are surrounding them relax, a movement that would be almost imperceptible to anyone, that Sasuke only catches from years of experience. Sasuke waits for Kakashi to say something else, but he doesn’t. He just stands blankly, in his Hokage robes fluttering in the autumn breeze. 

It feels like no one moves, not even breathes, for the longest moment Sasuke’s ever experiences in his life. He watches Kakashi, waiting for _something_ to happen. Finally, Kakashi turns to Sasuke and gives him an imperceptible nod. 

Behind his mask, Sasuke grits his teeth and enunciates clearly, so not only the ANBU behind him, but the group of five missing-nin that had just turned up in their village also hear what he says. “Arrest them.” 

There’s no hesitation from his men, they all move in synchronisation and place the chakra sealing tags on the backs of their targets before handcuffing their hands behind their backs. Sakura doesn’t struggle, just keeps her eyes trained on Sasuke. The acid burn she had from Kayuga’s dimensions the last time he saw her is gone. She shouldn’t know it’s him behind the mask, but Sasuke gets the feeling she does anyway. 

“Take them to T&I immediately. Make sure they’re separated,” he barks again, and body flickers away to tell Morino to gather all the Yamanakas available. 

 

He leaves Sakura behind, he leaves Naruto behind, he leaves Kakashi behind. He leaves Neji, Kiba, Ten Ten and Shino to arrest the people they once called friends, rivals, comrades, teachers, legends. Sasuke can’t handle this right now. Being the acting Director of the ANBU meant that he had to leave emotions behind a long time ago. This was no exception. 

—

Morino and Ino go through the first round of questioning, starting off easy. They’re not really sure what to look for, and without explicit orders from Sasuke or Kakashi all they can do is attempt to drag out some form of confession. Without authorisation from Sasuke, they don’t want to start getting more serious. It makes sense, with a skilled genjutsu user on their team there could be some kind of mental trap placed on any one of them, or even all of them. Konoha can’t afford to lose a single Yamanaka after Inoichi was killed, and if Ino was out of commission they’d lose a valuable asset. 

They talk to each of the captured missing nin together, moving between the T&I and ANBU holding cells, making sure that each ninja was kept in isolation from those in their group. If Ino said nothing when Morino talked to Sakura, it was ignored in favour of paying attention to Sakura’s silence. The only person who said anything was Itachi Uchiha, just a short sentence. 

“I’ll speak to Sasuke Uchiha.” 

Morino punches him hard enough in the face to break his jaw. 

— 

On the fifth day of avoiding this inconvenience like the plague, Kakashi sends a genin with a note. _You have a job to do, Sasuke._ Sasuke _knows_ he can’t keep ignoring this but he wants to, so fucking badly that it aches. He hadn’t realised how raw the wound of his brother, of his best friends leaving him, still is. He wants to forgive them all and go back to being the people they used to be, before the realities of being shinobi caught up to them. 

He stops giving orders from his office and walks through as many departments as he can, silence preceding and gossip following his trail. These are elite ninja, and they get the message: Sasuke is not in a good mood. At least no one else will bother him today.

He’s wearing jounin blacks today, one of the sleeves sewn up and cut off so there’s no annoying extra fabric flapping about where his arm is supposed to be. There’s no need to show up in ANBU gear and give away who he is, although he’s sure that Itachi and Sakura at least had figured out which mask he wears. 

In the five days that Sasuke was avoiding his responsibilities, T&I had done a number on Itachi. Sasuke had been through torture training before, but the requirements for getting into ANBU were not five days of non-stop interrogation. 

“Big brother,” Sasuke says, stepping into the painfully bright room and crouching down in front of the chair that Itachi was strapped to, “You look like shit.” 

Itachi laughs, or at least, tries to. He mostly hacks and rasps, throat sore and dry from screaming. He’s filthy, covered in his own piss and vomit and snot and tears; the fingers on his right hand clearly broken in multiple places; fingernails that were carefully painted when he arrived now broken, chipped, or missing entirely. Sasuke’s phantom limb aches in response, or memory, or a combination of both. It’s still clenched in a fist, and probably will be for the rest of his life. 

“Get him some water and a medinin to fix his hand,” he orders at the subordinates hovering behind him, “the rest of you: scram.” 

It takes them a second and a menacing glare for them to disperse, clearly reluctant to leave Sasuke by himself. (Everyone’s been treating him like he’s _fragile_ because he doesn’t have _one_ measly arm.) He can handle himself just fine, especially with the Mangekyou and Rinnegan. Especially with Itachi in this state. 

The water and medinin come, and healing Itachi’s fingers doesn’t take too long. (It’s clearly routine for the medinin.) He tells the nin to fuck off and then walks over to Itachi, bending slightly with the bottle of water in his hand. “Open wide, big brother.” 

Itachi opens his mouth, not a fool to disobey the order in his condition, not when he’s gotten what he wants. Sasuke carefully pours a tiny bit of water, and quickly steps back when Itachi swishes it around his mouth instead of swallowing. A moment later, Itachi spits the water out between his thighs. It’s red. The next time, Itachi swallows it, and they continue until two thirds of the bottle is gone. 

“I’m okay now, Sasuke,” Itachi whispers, voice still shot from overuse but better than before. The part of Sasuke that’s Itachi’s little brother is in tears, is screaming inside to release Itachi and comfort him. The part of Sasuke that cultivated hatred for the man who killed his whole clan wants to slit Itachi’s throat and piss in the gurgling wound. The part of Sasuke that is a soldier, that was trained by Root and forged by years of pain and war and loss, that part wins out. 

“Talk,” he orders. He knows some of what Itachi’s going to say, he knows things Itachi probably doesn’t know he knows. 

Itachi, surprisingly, follows the order, telling the story like a mission report instead of like he was talking to his brother. Maybe it was the shock of seeing Sasuke in command, or instinct after all this time to follow orders of his superior officers. Maybe it was because it was easier to relay the information like it was impersonal, than accept what had actually happened.

Sasuke stands back, slouching impersonally, and for once in his fucking life, stops to listen.

—

Naruto’s in a straight jacket, chakra seals drawn all over the jacket and the cell and even his fucking face. There’s no way he could do anything but sit listlessly or sleep. Sasuke’s pretty sure he’s just sleeping, although he looks more like a corpse than the Naruto Sasuke once knew. 

“I wish I’d never met you. I wish I wasn’t such a — a fucking coward, I wish I was someone you’d love. That I could make you feel how you make me feel. God, I want to hurt you so fucking bad you son of a fucking _bitch!_ You’re the shit on my shoe, you, you fucking traitor _scum_ ,” his voice starts escalating and he has to stop before he draws attention to himself. Before he wakes Naruto. Before he does something he regrets. “Fuck, Naruto. Why’d you fucking leave? Why’d you leave me here, to deal with — why’d you _lie_ to me. Itachi, he told me. What you did. What you guys, why you left. But why didn’t you take me with you. Why’d you fucking _leave me here?”_

He stops, and sits there for fifteen minutes, watching Naruto’s sleeping body, waiting for an answer. It never comes. 

“You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

—

It’s no secret that Sasuke keeps a flask of warm-ish whiskey in his desk drawer just for days like today. The kind of days that come more often than not in his life, where everything really is just shit for no real reason. The guys aren’t meant to know that he drinks on the job, but it’s ANBU’s worst kept secret. (Sasuke’s not even legal. He’s legal enough to kill and die for his country but he’s got to get his subordinates to buy him a fucking bottle. No one in this city cares.)

Neji’s holding it, waiting for him when he gets back from the Hokage tower. He’s sitting in Sasuke’s visitor chair, only on half alert. Sai is standing by the door, the only one in full ANBU uniform and standing to attention. Kiba’s sitting on Sasuke’s own chair, feet kicked up onto Sasuke’s dirty and cluttered desk. He and Tenten are sharing a bottle of rum, one that is missing a significant portion of its contents and that Sasuke is pretty sure is new. Shino greets Sasuke when he comes in. 

It kind of looks like an intervention.

“At ease, soldiers,” Sasuke deadpans, but Sai actually obeys the fucking order because he’s a shit like that. 

Sasuke takes the flask from Neji and twists the cap off with his thumb and forefinger, while holding it between his other three fingers and his palm. A smooth motion that has definitely come from practice, being as he can’t drink out of any container that has a cap bigger than what he can fit his fingers around now. He drinks from it, the metallic flavour that comes from leaving alcohol in his flask for too long more noticeable than the crappy quality of his booze. 

“It’s been a rough day, Boss,” Kiba says like he’s imparting some sort of wisdom on Sasuke that he absolutely couldn’t have worked out by himself. 

“We’re going out later,” Neji tells him.

“You look like you need it,” Tenten adds. 

It’s four pm. Sasuke takes another drink. “Yeah, alright, you shitstains. Get back to work before I put you on desk duty for the next _year_.”

It’s an empty threat, but they all file out with minimum grumbling, except for Shino and Sai. 

“It’s permissible to be disturbed by these events, Sasuke-san,” Shino said in the weird way he has. Sasuke’s not sure if this is meant to be comforting or a chance for Sasuke to admit what he knows. Either way, he doesn’t say anything. “Why? Uzumaki and Haruno were our friends as well. Their presence has unsettled us all. You don’t have to shoulder this burden alone.” 

Shino leaves, and Sasuke stares at Sai for a moment. “Well. I think Shino-san wants you to grow balls, Sasuke- _senpai_.” 

Sasuke flips him off and gets back to work. 

—

Coming into the Hokage’s office with a hangover isn’t uncommon for Sasuke. Kakashi pretends to ignore it, Shikamaru doesn’t care, and Lee is the only one who seems remotely concerned for him (but that’s only if he catches it). Kakashi looks equally worse for wear, which makes Sasuke grateful for the mask he gets to wear. 

They’re standing in the same line they did when they arrived at the village, clearly something they’ve practiced well. It’s intimidating for sure, everyone’s faces carefully neutral. Even looking like they do, in spare clothes that don’t fit well and skin and hair only half washed, they radiate the power of a group that has been through hell and back and are stronger because of it. 

Their presence makes Sasuke feel all the more inadequate and stupid. 

“Sakura Haruno. Tsunade. Itachi Uchiha. Jiraiya. Naruto Uzumaki. All of you have been accused of treason and are known defectors from Konohagakure. Three of you have been accused of murdering the Godaime Hokage, Danzo Shimura. For your crimes against village and country you _should_ be executed,” Kakashi says in an even voice, not betraying any emotion he may have felt to the ninja he knew so well. “ _However,_ your interrogation report says your main reasoning for your actions was in the long term interests of Konoha. Additionally, your actions during the Fourth Shinobi War were commendable. Because of this, the council has elected to allow you probation to prove your loyalty to Konoha. You will be free to move within the village of Konoha, but not allowed to leave. You will not harm a single Konoha citizen. You will be checked randomly by ANBU and obliged to aid the village. You will not contact anyone outside Konoha. If any of you violate the terms of your probation or Konoha law, all of you will be viewed as suspicious. I will not hesitate to execute any one of you if the need arises. Is that clear?” 

“Crystal, Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto chirps, somehow still bouncy after ten days of being tortured and kept in a tiny cell. That despite the bruises across his face and on his hands, he doesn’t feel a thing. It just compounds the feeling of uselessness that’s crept up over Sasuke. “Don’t worry! We’ll be the perfect Konoha shinobi, you know! You won’t even know we were gone!” 

Sakura, Tsunade, and Jiraiya all look like they want to chastise Naruto for his words, but refrain in front of the Hokage. There’s a silence in the room, no one sure how to react to Naruto’s declaration. 

“You’ll call me Hokage-sama, Uzumaki,” Kakashi finally tells him, “It’s in your best interests to remember that. You’ll report to Hound-san tomorrow morning. Dismissed.”

—

Sasuke takes the long way home. He took a cold shower before he left the ANBU blocks, getting his long hair wet and so it would keep him cool in the early summer heat that likes to settle down on Konoha in May. He doesn’t get many chances to wear civilian clothes but winding down is one of them: an excuse to put on baggy shorts and a short sleeved t-shirt that he can fall straight into bed in. Really, it’s a testament to how much he believes in his skills to stroll for an hour among armed shinobi without his weapons close at hand. 

No one in Konoha with half a lick of sense would attack him. 

When he finally arrives at the Uchiha compound, his third cigarette half smoked, he’s greeted by the top five people he doesn’t want to see. 

“Sasuke.”

“Itachi,” they stare at each other, Sasuke’s Rinnegan versus Itachi’s Sharingan, and Sasuke wins out. 

“You changed the locks.”

“Well, I haven’t been killed by a genocidal maniac yet, so I think it’s working pretty fucking well.” 

“Huh,” is all Itachi says, and Sasuke’s one good fist that’s still working aches to punch him in his fucking face. He’s shorter than Sasuke now, Sasuke’s explosive growth spurts built him up and wide and he towers half a head over his brother. 

“What,” he ashes his cigarette on the flowerbed near him, not caring about the greenery, “Do you fucking want, Itachi?” 

“As clan elder I think it’s my right to stay at the compound, isn’t that right, little brother?” 

Sasuke wishes he could wipe that smile off his fucking face. “No.”

“Sorry?”

“No, you don’t get to come back after thirteen hard fucking years of me being _all alone_ and decide you want your old room back and also _hey can my criminal friends stay with me too?_ It doesn’t work that way.” 

“It could do.”

“Fuck you, Itachi, no way am I going to let a group of murderers into my house.” 

Sasuke glances over at Naruto, who’s being held back by Tsunade. He looks incensed, like if it were not for Tsunade’s warning grip on Naruto, Sasuke would get the same talking-to that he used to get when they were kids. (He almost wishes Naruto would do it, just for the brief feeling of normalcy it would give him.) 

“What about a group of heroes who were instrumental in the winning of the war?” Jiraiya says, eyes shining like he’s in on a joke with everyone but Sasuke.

“What?”

“Would you let them stay at your compound?”

It’s a losing battle, Sasuke knew that from the get go. He takes another drag of his cigarette and tosses it on the ground, stamping the embers out. “Fine. One week. You’re responsible for all the chores, _Clan Elder._ I’m _only_ doing this because Sakura didn’t let me bleed out in the Valley. In seven days, you’re out of my life.” 

With that, he opens the doors to the compound. 

They all filter in before him, aware that he wouldn’t let them at his back if they paid him, and he’s able to get a better look at them. They seem to have bought clothes in the time they’ve had, new outfits that are similar to the ones they had before they went to jail and ruined them. Someone returned all their other things to them as well, travel packs and scrolls and assumedly all their weapons — but he knows how all of them fight and none of them need anything but their bodies. They’re the perfect killers. 

“This way,” he grunts, leading them to the part of the compound he still keeps open. The other rooms he airs out once a year, pays a genin team to clean through before shutting them again. They’re due for another deep cleansing, and not the kind of place he could let guests stay in. 

Itachi knows the way, and takes the front of the group while he trails behind. Sasuke opens his front door, and lets them all in. The house is a pigsty. He’s a teenager living by himself, and it’s evidenced by the way he keeps his things spread over the front room. His clothes (both dirty and clean) are thrown everywhere, his shoes right in front of the door where they could be tripped over, and dirty plates and food packets are on most flat surfaces. 

“I wasn’t expecting guests. Itachi will show to your rooms. There are mats in the cupboards. Don’t go into my room. Don’t forget you’re meeting Hound at 1100 hours.” 

“Seriously, Sasuke?” Naruto finally bursts out, hands flailing everywhere in his annoyance, “We all know you’re that Hound mask, okay? The Rinnegan isn’t exactly common, you know!” 

“I am a jounin of Konoha. Hound is ANBU.” 

“You really obviously have an ANBU tattoo _right there—”_

“Sorry, Uchiha-san,” Sakura says, her gloved hand gripping Naruto’s mouth shut as she smiles with him with an obsequious smile. All of them, Sasuke wishes he could punch all of them in their smiling fucking faces. 

“What the fuck, Sakura, he’s still the same Sasuke,“ Naruto whines. _All_ of them.

“No, I’m not, Uzumaki. You don’t know who the fuck I am. That’s what you get for leaving.” And because Sasuke’s still a teenager and has a streak for the dramatic a mile wide, he body flickers to his bedroom and locks the door. 

Like always, he sleeps with his sword next to him.

—

Sasuke wakes up with Kiba leaning over him, already in his ANBU uniform, breathing directly on his face. He smells, as always, like dog, and it makes Sasuke wrinkle his nose. Sasuke wakes up _to_ a voice yelling _AKAMARU_ with glee, Naruto’s voice booming through the thin walls. _Fuck._

“Get off me, Crane,” he grumbles, pushing him off and sitting up. He rubs his temples slowly, taking five seconds to wake up properly. No one ever said Sasuke was a morning person. Members of his team coming to wake him up had been established long ago as the alternative to Sasuke throwing his alarm clock out the window every day and being late. 

“Kiba, since you’ve got guests today,” he says, looking amused. 

“Don’t even ask. Itachi pulled some Uchiha bullshit and I am not getting paid enough for this. Hide your mask.”

“Already done, boss.” 

Sasuke pads into the kitchen, taking the coffee that Kiba put on for him and drinking it straight from the pot. It’s only when he’s rifling through his fridge, looking for something to eat, that he notices Naruto sitting at his table, quietly scratching Akamaru’s belly and watching him. 

“What,” Sasuke says, staring back at him. 

“You… have tattoos,” Naruto says softly, his face unreadable. 

“As you so astutely pointed out yesterday,” he replies, taking a bite from the packaged buns he keeps in the fridge so they don’t go off as fast. (Hypothetically.)

“No, more than just… that one. You didn’t have any before…” 

“Wow, it’s almost if you’ve been gone for the best part of a decade or something, Naruto. I was eleven when you left: I’m a different person now. Don’t pretend you know who I am.” 

He finishes the bun and pours the rest of the coffee into a mug, taking out a cigarette from the pack he keeps next to his coffee pot. Kiba always wakes him up early enough to have a morning smoke, even though it has an increased chance of Sasuke yelling and threatening to fire him. He lights it with his cheap lighter and sits down at the table so he can use the ashtray. Naruto just watches him with wide eyes as Kiba passes him his sword that he left in his bedroom. Sasuke passes his cigarette to Kiba so he can take another sip of his coffee, and Kiba steals a drag. It’s their usual Saturday routine.

Naruto has wide eyes, like he can’t believe what he’s watching. 

“What are you looking at, Uzumaki?” Sasuke finishes his coffee so he can take his cigarette back, and Naruto’s wide blue eyes track the movement from start to finish. 

 

“You guys aren’t friends,” Naruto says eventually, the words coming out seemingly unwittingly. 

Kiba turns to Sasuke, almost asking permission to speak. Sasuke nods minutely. “I’m working, Uzumaki. If he doesn’t get out of bed the whole squad gets in trouble.” 

Naruto doesn’t look like he quite believes what Kiba’s saying, but Sasuke doesn’t need to justify his friendships to someone who’d just leave him anyway. 

“Don’t forget you’re meant to meet Hound-san at 1100 hours. You should make sure your teammates are ready,” Kiba adds, smiling at Naruto in a way that doesn’t reach his eyes. Even Akamaru slides out of Naruto’s grip and pads over to Kiba’s side. 

“Does everyone in the village know when we’re gonna meet Hound, anyway?” Naruto’s almost whining, and the sound is so familiar and so grating that Sasuke doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Just ANBU.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Maybe because you’re a group of some of Konoha’s most famous missing-nin, or the murderers of our last Hokage, or a motley crew of impressive shinobi. Or that Hound is the youngest head of ANBU to date.” 

“ _What?”_ Naruto nearly shouts, but Sasuke ignores him, ashing his cigarette in the dish, adding it to his slowly growing pile of butts, and standing up, slinging his pack over his shoulder and taking his sword in his hand. 

 

“If you want to be a shinobi of Konoha, Naruto, you and your friends shouldn’t be late.” 

 

—

 

When Sasuke was eleven, he was screwed up. He knew it back then (although not the full extent), and he knew that he wasn’t getting what he needed to get better. But he fucking tried, when he was able to. 

 

Having spent the past four years in Root wasn’t particularly conducive to his ambitions of being a well-adjusted person. Instead, he grew into the emotionally-stunted liar that formed the basis of his personality, and didn’t change no matter how much time he spent with regular children. 

 

The days he got to spend in the Academy were the highlights of his late childhood, even though he was loathe to admit it. It was easy to relax when he knew he wasn’t surrounded with trained killers, when he knew he wasn’t meant to kill the people around him. Lying about his age was easy as well, as trauma made him grow up way faster than any young boy should’ve. 

 

Sasuke saw his genin team as a chance at healing. Slowly, he was able to integrate with them, form bonds, learn how to care about people again. 

 

And then he fucked it all up by putting his fist through Naruto’s chest. 

 

Or rather, Naruto fucked it up by killing Sakura and running away from the village. Naruto fucked it up by listening to Jiraiya and leaving before he could be manipulated by the same man who made Sasuke’s life a living hell. Naruto fucked it up by being right, _as always,_ and leaving Sasuke.

 

The worst thing Naruto did wasn’t the murder or the treason. It was leaving Sasuke behind. 

 

—

 

“Putting the saviour of the ninja world and one of the three legendary Sannin on a D-rank mission, that’s mighty cold, even for you, Sasuke,” Kiba enters his office with his typical saunter, slow and inviting. Sasuke doesn’t look up.

“Naruto’s still only a genin, it’s only fair. A solo genin on a D-rank with jounin leader isn’t unheard of,” Sasuke replies placidly, continuing to scan down the report he’s been slogging through for the past twenty minutes. 

“Still, you think you’re being a little harsh on _Naruto_?” Kiba taunts, and Sasuke realises the mistake he made too late. In his mind, Naruto is still his childhood best friend, not the criminal he is. Sasuke should be more careful. 

“Don’t you have work to do, Kiba? Or rookies to harass?” 

“It’s eight, boss. We’re all going out for dinner, since it’s Saturday and all. _And_ Kaito’s out tonight, if you know what I mean.” 

 

That makes Sasuke look up, and Kiba just winks at him.  
“Fine,” he mumbles, packing his things away and following Kiba back to the locker rooms. 

 

It’s only when he’s greeted with wolf whistles that he belatedly realises there was most likely a bet on whether or not Kiba could wheedle him into coming. 

“How much did you make this time?”

“ _Hey,_ ” Kiba said, putting his hands up in mock defence, “Your charming presence is payment enough for me! Shino here is the undisputed winner, ask him.” 

“Fuck all of you, so hard. You’re all fired and court martialed, effective immediately.”

 

“That’s the spirit,” Tenten claps him on the back, and everyone else cheers when he stashes his mask and trades his ANBU armour for his casual cloak. 

 

—

 

Staying over at Kiba’s fulfils multiple goals of Sasuke’s: he was able to say goodbye to Kiba before he had to leave on a diplomatic mission to Kumokagure with Tenten, Chouji and Shikamaru, as well as avoiding the Uchiha compound and its new residents. 

 

Unfortunately, Kiba’s housemate fucking hates Sasuke, and that means Sasuke has to go. There are only so many places he can idle around Konoha before he decides to return to the compound, hoping he won’t bump into anyone. 

Unfortunately, that is not quite the case. Itachi and Naruto are infesting his kitchen with their presence, which means Sasuke can’t drink an excessive amount of coffee or pass through to his bedroom in peace. He either has to sneak in through his window or pass by them, both of which are humiliating outcomes for a man in his own home. 

 

He’s idling outside the door when Sakura sneaks up on him, cautious smile and composed mannerisms taunting Sasuke, making fun of how this chain of events has set his emotions off every which way. 

 

“It’s bad manners to eavesdrop, Uchiha-san.” 

 

He turns to her, frowning at her insinuation that he actually _cared_ about Naruto and Itachi’s conversations. They were probably boring, like everything else those two do. 

“Fuck you, Haruno.”

“You know, Uchiha-san,” and at this point, Sasuke was pretty sure he prefers being called Sasuke-kun than this pretence she’s putting on for him right now, “You act like Naruto did the wrong thing for opposing the man who killed your clan.” 

Sasuke raises his eyebrows, mocking her silently, “The man who killed half my clan is in there having tea with your precious _Naruto._ ”

“You know what I mean!” she hisses, “ _Danzo._ your precious Hokage.”

 

At the mention of his name, Sasuke automatically seizes up. Sakura doesn’t get to act like he _wanted_ to follow Danzo, like he even had a chance to leave the village after she and Naruto pulled the stunt they did. How he suffered from Orochimaru’s curse mark under Danzo’s envious gaze. 

 

“You don’t know _shit_ about what I went through, Haruno. Shut the fuck up.”

“You were _complicit!_ You and the rest of this village –“ 

 

That’s when Sasuke pushes her away with enough force to fling her half way across the courtyard. 

“You fucking–“ she starts, but doesn't complete her sentence, only charges at Sasuke, punching him with probably half the full force she can really use. It takes a skillful twist of Sasuke’s body and a manipulation of chakra to stop her from shattering his leg bone, but it still aches dearly from the impact. He still flies through the door to the kitchen, landing in a half crouch on the kitchen table, interrupting Itachi and Naruto. He draws his sword and launches himself back at her, slicing down in a motion that’s only stopped by Naruto leaping to tackle Sasuke back onto the ground. 

 

They don’t move for a moment, before Tsunade comes running through the compound gates. 

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, Sakura! You could get us executed for that!” she cries, hurrying to inspect Sasuke for injuries. 

“I’m fine,” he grunts, trying to push her away, but she is fastidious with her medical care, refusing to be shooed away. 

“You’ve fractured his leg in multiple places and stretched his hamstring and ACL – are you _insane?_ ” she says, and it takes a moment for Sasuke to realise she’s talking to Sakura, not him. “Hold still.”

 

She starts healing him, the warm prickling sensation of healing chakra not unfamiliar to him. He closes his eyes, breathing through the pain as the bone is joined back together, then opens them and examines Tsunade. She doesn’t look her age, and being able to keep a henge while performing medical ninjutsu is a sign of a very talented ninja. If she wasn’t a traitor, he would be impressed. (He only lets her heal him because he knows she takes healing more seriously than anything, and his mind is racing too fast to fully analyse the situation.) 

 

“He started it,” Sakura huffs petulantly, picking herself up and dusting herself off, moving over to crouch down where Naruto still has Sasuke pinned.

“You still shouldn’t attack him in his own home! For our sake, not his!” Tsunade says through gritted teeth, “We’ll talk about this later.”

 

“What’d you say to her, Sasuke?” Itachi says in the simpering voice and small smile that he always has when he makes fun of Sasuke, and he wants to punch the look off Itachi’s smug face. 

Sasuke switches the grip of his sword so he’s able to flip Itachi the bird, and then drops the sword altogether, trying to push Naruto off of him, “Why do you assume I said something, anyway?”

“Well, Sakura-chan, what happened?” 

She hesitates, and then mumbles meekly, “I didn’t think he’d block with his _leg._ ”

“What was I meant to block with, then? My ribcage?”

“I don’t know, your _arm,_ like a normal ninja –“

“What, the one arm I have left? At least I have two legs still attached, no thanks to _some people._ ” 

 

It comes out more meaner than Sasuke really intended, but he didn’t miss the way that Naruto flinched at his words. At least he loosened his hold on Sasuke, and Sasuke was able to slither out from his and Tsunade’s grip, sheathing his sword again. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell the Hokage or Hound. You’re _all_ safe and can stop worrying.” 

 

“Sasuke –“ Naruto starts, the first thing he’d said during this whole confrontation. 

“I don’t care,” Sasuke interrupts him, and takes off to his room before something else not worthy of his time came up. 

 

—

 

He’d just finished having a long and relaxing bath in the comfort of his ensuite, when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. 

  
“Itachi.”  
“Sasuke, hello,” Itachi greets him in his signature superior way that makes Sasuke want to inflict bodily harm upon him _so bad,_ “May I come in?”

“No.”

“Are you sure you want to have this conversation in the hallway, in front of everybody?”

“Yes.”

“Where were you last night, Sasuke? You didn’t come back after work.”

“Out.”

“Out where, Sasuke? Drinking? You’re not of age.”

“So?”

“That’s very naughty of you, Sasuke. Whatever would mother think?”

“I don’t know, what would mother think of you fucking _killing her,_ Itachi? Huh? What about that?” 

Itachi pauses, then continues in the same tone of voice, “All this smoking and drinking and swearing is very unbecoming of an Uchiha, Sasuke.”

 

“Don’t you _get it,_ Itachi? There are _no more_ Uchihas. The clan is done. The Sharingan and the Uchiha name will die with us, or so help me—“

“So you weren’t out with any girls then, were you?” Itachi continues, clearly ignoring what Sasuke’s saying altogether.

“ _What?”  
_ “Apparently the majority of the chuunin roster has their money on you and the Inuzuka, but there are a small minority who have faith in your relationship with Hyuuga.”

“Neji’s straight,” Sasuke replies automatically, and it’s totally not what he meant to say. 

“Inuzuka then. Is he treating my baby brother well?”

“We’re not _dating,_ ” Sasuke protests, and all of a sudden he feels like he’s six years old again. It’s both the best and worst feeling Sasuke could have and he has no clue how to respond. 

“Are you not?”  
“ _NO!_ ” Sasuke nearly shouts, and Itachi just smiles. “Shut _up_ about it! I will not talk about my _sex life_ with a missing nin!” 

A beat, and then: “I’m not missing anymore.”

 

Sasuke just groans and storms off, slamming his bedroom door to the sound of “I think I just won the bet.” It’s only belatedly he realises how Itachi had bested him in conversation, just like they were kids again.

 

—

 

Sasuke fastidiously ignores everyone living at the compound. The week passes by, and then a month, and they show no sign of leaving. Sasuke has no intention of breaking his silence just to kick them out. Instead, he channels all his nervous energy into training and work, shocking all those who come to wake him up. He terrifies the living shit out of newbie recruits, shaking up routine training sessions and evaluations. For those who don’t know him, it’s easy to assume he’s decided to wage psychological warfare against the ANBU Black Ops in order to keep them sharp during peace time. 

 

For those who do know him, it’s a sign he a) hasn’t been getting any, b) has a hangover, and c) won’t address his problems. 

 

His team takes turns in trying to calm him, but usually their solution is to go out for a couple drinks. 

“Neji,” Sasuke slurs, “You’d know better’n I. Yamanaka… uh… _Ino_ …” 

“You know her name perfectly well,” Tenten mumbles under her breath.

“Is she… Do you think she’s tryna betray Konoha?” 

 

From across the table, Shikamaru snorts and looks away. Neji also looks shocked, not sure how to respond to the accusation. 

“Shut up, Nara,” Sasuke snaps, pointing a drunken finger at the Hokage’s advisor. 

“Why do you ask that, Sasuke?”

“She spends all that time, with _Haruno,_ The _traitor!_ ” he gestures emphatically, and Shikamaru nearly loses it.

“Sasuke, they’re fucking,” Kiba says, between chokes of laughter. 

“Kiba! That’s rude. You’re reducing Ino-san and Sakura-san’s relationship to just carnal pleasures,” Shino chides softly, and Sasuke’s eyes bug out from his head. 

“ _What?”_ Sasuke nearly screams, and the whole bar turns around to look at him. 

 

When the attention dies down, Kiba continues, “They were like, our friends. Still are, now we know what they were up to anyway. You can’t like, just expect us to _not_ hang out with them.” 

“Clearly,” Sasuke replies, gesturing to himself, “I _do._ It’s really easy to ignore them, you have no excuse!”

“Sasuke, sweetie,” Tenten leans over, pushing Sasuke’s glass away from him and patting his forearm gently, “I say this in the kindest possible way a friend can, but literally no one in the village looks up to you as an example of emotional intelligence.” 

 

Before Sasuke can shout anything else, Shikamaru gets up and throws half a pack of cigarettes and some notes on the table. “This is troublesome. I have work tomorrow,” he mumbles, and takes his leave. 

“Yeah,” Kiba responds, and Shino stands up with him, “We should get going too. Neji, you alright taking the boss here home?”

 

“All of you,” Sasuke finally grinds out, standing up by himself and pocketing Shikamaru’s cigarettes, “All of you are fired.” 

 

—

 

Sasuke is greeted on Monday to the sound of snickering all throughout the T&I department. He glares at them all with the Rinnegan, but most of them are his age or older and know him well enough to be unaffected by his threats. 

 

Sasuke decides he is going to _kill_ Ino, if only because Shikamaru is the one who decides his salary and therefore safe. 

 

He slams the door shut behind him as he enters Ino’s office, taking a seat at her desk and putting his hand on top of the papers she was reading. 

“What do you want, Sasuke?”

“You and Sakura. What the _fuck?_ ” he hisses, trying to comprehend what she is doing. 

“Sakura and I, what, Sasuke?”

“You guys are… I…” he gestures around, trying to get her to look up at him, “In _cahoots.”_

“We’re in cahoots.”

“Yes!” 

 

Ino sighs, and leans back in her desk chair, rubbing her temples gently with her forefingers. 

“You’re going to be the death of me, Sasuke Uchiha. We’re not _in cahoots._ We’re working on our relationship. Trust me, I’ve been through every inch of Sakura’s mind. She’s _not_ trying to undermine the village. She’s trying to get her life back together after the war, which is what we’re _all_ trying to do, Sasuke.”

“But… _how?_ How could you love her, after all she’s _done._ She killed the Godaime, for fuck’s sake!” 

“What, like you wouldn’t have, if you’d known what he did?”  
“ _Still.”_

“I never stopped loving her, Sasuke. That’s the thing about being best friends with someone. No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop.”

 

And maybe Sasuke’s motives aren’t as pure as he’d like to think, and _maybe_ he’s stress drinking because this whole thing is sending him off-keel. He thought he’d put himself back together after the war, and now he feels like Naruto just told him all his foundations were rotten. 

 

“And after all of that? After everything? After… tricking you and leaving you behind? You’re just going to _take it?”_

“No, I’m not going to _take it._ I have, and will continue to _talk_ to her. With real human _words,_ Sasuke, not just implications and assumptions. If I feel insecure, we’re going to _talk_ about it. She hurt me, they hurt all of us. I’m not ignoring that. But in order to heal, you have to _move on,_ Sasuke.”

 

He suddenly realises he’s not ready to move on, not in the way Ino’s describing. Maybe it’s childish of him, but he’s younger than everyone else in his cohort anyway. Isn’t he allowed to be childish?

 

“Sasuke,” Ino repeats, softer this time, and reaches out to place her hand on his. 

He snatches his hand away before she’s able to comfort him, _pity_ him. “Thank you for reassuring me, Yamanaka-san.”

 

Then he leaves.

 

—

 

“Kiba,” Sasuke starts, and Kiba rolls over and reads Sasuke’s face. He whistles for Akamaru to come, and Akamaru plods in and settles himself down between their two bodies, nuzzling Sasuke’s armpit. Sasuke hadn’t realised Kiba knew him so well. Maybe it was Akamaru and his ninja hound senses or something, telling Kiba in their own language how Sasuke’s feeling. 

“What’s up?” Kiba keeps his voice deceptively light, and Sasuke reaches over to scratch Kiba’s head behind his ear as well. His fingers card through Kiba’s soft brown hair, wrist covering Kiba’s Inuzuka tattoo nearly completely. 

Sasuke hadn’t even be sure of what he wants to say, and he opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes up. He just grunts and shrugs, turning away from Kiba instead. It’s easier to just not dwell on these things, then. 

“Is it Naruto, again?” Kiba guesses, and Sasuke considers lying for a brief moment. Kiba would smell it on him, anyhow, so Sasuke just nods. “Man, that guy’s got you all fucked up. I haven’t seen you this tetchy since —“ he breaks off, deliberating whether or not to say it. “It mustn’t be great to see Sakura and Itachi here, either.” 

“No.” 

“Must be like they came back from the dead or somethin’, right?”  
“Right.” 

Kiba sighs again, knowing Sasuke wants to talk about it but not sure how to draw the words out of him. “He was important to you, Sasuke. They were important to you. And I’m sure they still are. You love them. And you spent so much time trying to hate them — don’t give me that look, we all know you did — and now they’re back and your friends are hanging out with them, and it feels to you that your friends chose them over you. Am I right?” 

“Yeah, sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“I guess I’m just worried that if I forgive them or something then it means that all this time, and all the relationships I’ve made and shit, and achievements, that shit doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want that to happen.” 

Kiba smiles, shifting onto his elbow to lean over Akamaru and presses a kiss to Sasuke’s cheek. “For a genius, you’re pretty fucking dumb, y’know?”

“What?”

He laughs, kissing Sasuke again. “Talking to Naruto again doesn’t mean these past couple years have been for nothing. It doesn’t change what you’ve done or make it somehow invalid. You’re a fucking exceptional shinobi, _without_ Naruto or Sakura or your brother. You guys being friends again doesn’t like, change that. No one’s gonna stop being friends with you because you hang out with your old team or your brother. In fact, I think it would make it a lot easier for us to go out together if you decided to get your head out from your ass.” 

Sasuke snorts, but he secretly appreciates Kiba’s words. “You wouldn’t know me if I didn’t have my head in my ass.” 

“I prefer other things in your ass,” Kiba leers with a waggle of his eyebrows, and Sasuke can’t help but laugh at him. 

 

Akamaru whuffles and extricates himself from between Sasuke and Kiba, giving them both a parting lick before padding out. He clearly knows them well enough to know what’s going to happen, and the display makes Sasuke laugh again. 

 

“You can let yourself be happy, Uchiha. Konoha won’t burn to the ground if you laugh once in a while.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m trying.” 

“You’re beautiful when you smile. It’s a fucking shame I don’t get to see it more often.” 

 

Sasuke presses his hand against Kiba’s crotch, palming him through his boxers. “I can tell.”

Kiba snorts, and moves over to straddle Sasuke’s hips, leaning down to kiss him on the lips. “Let me show you what I _do_ like in your ass, boss.” 

 

—

 

It seems like Naruto and Itachi and Sakura and their mentors had all gotten used to Kiba staying over with Sasuke. Sasuke’s Rinnegan even caught Jiraiya giving Kiba a subtle high five, no doubt in response to Kiba and his sex life. 

 

Sasuke’s not sure how to feel about that. 

 

Now their relationship is less of a secret, Sasuke feels better about leaning into Kiba’s shoulder while they smoke, letting Kiba give him a running commentary on what everyone’s doing today and trying to get him to laugh. Kiba knows Sasuke doesn’t like laughing when others (his brother) could be watching, but he’s working on it. 

 

“Happy birthday,” Sasuke whispers into Kiba’s neck, and Kiba grins.

“Shut it or we won’t get to work, Boss,” he replies, kissing Sasuke’s temple. 

 

The door opens with a dull clunk, and Sasuke and Kiba jump apart with the practice of years of hiding their relationship. Naruto’s face is solemn, mismatching the way his dumb pyjamas that he insists on walking around in look on him. Sasuke can’t believe the man is twenty years old and still wears pyjama sets with cartoon characters on them. Sasuke can’t believe they make pyjama sets in Naruto’s _size._

 

“Good morning,” Kiba greets him, stealing a sip of Sasuke’s coffee even though Sasuke knows Kiba doesn’t like that Sasuke drinks it black. 

 

Naruto salutes in response, and Sasuke’s not sure if it’s sarcastic or not. It’s kinda weird to think that Naruto’s learnt sarcasm at all. At least his meal for the morning is still instant ramen, taking it out from the cupboard that Sasuke knows Naruto’s filled with all different flavours of cup noodles. It’s kind of gross to think about. Sasuke can’t help but rolling his eyes as Naruto grabs a pair of Sasuke’s lacquered Uchiha heirloom chopsticks to eat his meal with. 

 

“Got any missions today?” Kiba asks, just to be polite, and Naruto shrugs. He’s got stubble, Sasuke realises, the blonde hairs harder to see on Naruto’s tanned skin. That fact keeps Naruto’s three days of regrowth more invisible than it would be on Sasuke’s own face. 

 

Sasuke belatedly realises that Naruto’s hungover. He kind of feels like a bad ninja for not noticing, but in his defence, Naruto’s the last person he would expect to be out drinking. (His master is Jiraiya, and it kind of makes sense that Naruto would. He’s just not sure why.) 

“Would you like some coffee?” he offers Naruto, feeling awkwardly formal. 

Naruto, however, lights up, hopping up to grab a mug and some sugar. “Thanks, Sasuke,” he chirps, strangely reenergised. Maybe he’s a coffee demon like Sasuke, as well. 

 

—

 

Sasuke had been kind of suspicious when Naruto showed up at Kiba’s party, but he didn’t want to question it in front of the guests. Kiba was off joking with Shino and Hinata and Kurenai, their old team back together in their own corner, so Sasuke didn’t want to intrude. He thought back to Kiba’s earlier words, assuming that Kiba had invited his friend, for old times’ sake. And Sasuke was a fucking _adult,_ he could handle this by himself, in an adult way. 

 

So he ignored Naruto as best he could. 

 

Efforts at socialising were met with awkwardness — while his classmates were used to him, most of Kiba’s friends and coworkers weren’t used to looking at the Rinnegan without thinking of their boss. After a while, Sasuke gave up and went outside with Neji and Shikamaru, sharing cigars and sticky-wet bottles of beer. 

 

He was happy standing outside in the evening July humidity and relative quiet, when Naruto stumbles outside of the bar and vomits in the bamboo planter pot bracketing the doorway. Sasuke watches him in silence, but something in his heart softens in that moment. 

 

And then Naruto starts fucking sobbing. All of them stare at each other, conversation lost as the scene in front of them plays out. He’s a messy vomity snotty tearstained mess, and Sasuke doesn’t want any part in it. This is way too troublesome for him, and he doesn’t even know Naruto that _well._

 

“Well,” Shikamaru sighs, “Not it.” 

Sasuke turns to Neji, who also has a finger on his nose, and rolls his eyes. “Are we twelve?”

Shikamaru shrugs and stubs his cigarette out. “I’ll tell Kiba you’re taking Naruto back.”

He sighs, turning to Neji for any sort of support, but doesn’t find anything in his blank face. “Fine. Just get him to meet me back at my place. He probably expected me to skip out early anyway.”

 

Naruto is hacking again, and Sasuke offers him some water from the canteen he keeps in his pouch, helping him keep any liquids down. 

“Come on, let’s get you home. You’re so fucking drunk, idiot,” Sasuke mumbles, manoeuvring around Naruto’s body to grab his arm. 

 

Naruto pulls up, wrapping his pukey arms around Sasuke’s neck and grinning at him. “Aww, you _bastard,_ you shouldn’t’ve!” He brightens up instantly, the sudden change in emotion giving Sasuke whiplash. 

“I really didn’t want to,” he huffs, but Naruto either didn’t hear or elects to ignore him. 

 

They start walking slowly towards the Uchiha compound, Sasuke moving slowly as not to jostle Naruto and cause an upchuck all over his uniform. Naruto’s still hiccupping and wiping his snotty nose all over Sasuke’s shoulder, despite Sasuke telling him off multiple times. He clearly doesn’t care for the sacrifice Sasuke’s making or understand all the other things he could be doing at this particular moment.

 

“What do you even see in him anyway?” Naruto mumbles in Sasuke’s ear when they get back into the compound.  
“What?”

“Kiba. What do you even _like_ about him. He’s loud and dirty and yells a lot and like, owns a dog. You don’t even _like_ dogs!”

“How should you know what I like or dislike, anyway?”

“Don’t fucking — just answer the fucking question, Sasuke!” 

“Naruto, you’re drunk. I’m not going to discuss this with you now. Just… get to bed. Alright?” 

“ _Sasuke!_ I come all the way back here _for you!_ I’m fucking — half the reason we returned was _for you!_ Me, and Sakura-chan and Itachi! And you don’t even give us the time of day and, and— you’re dating a fucking knockoff of me! Kiba’s a cheap imitation!” 

“That’s _enough,_ Naruto. Go to sleep.”

“So what, you’re not even going to talk to me about this? About why you’re ignoring me?”

 

Sasuke just turns on his heel and walks away, leaving Naruto shouting in the middle of the courtyard. 

“If you’re able to shout at me, you’re well able to leave me alone and get into bed by yourself.” 

 

Sasuke’s half asleep when Kiba slides into bed alongside him, kissing him softly. 

“Y’know Naruto’s shouting at everyone in the courtyard? What’s up with him anyway?”

“Trust me,” Sasuke replies, “You really don’t want to know.” 

 

—

 

Sasuke has flaws. Many of them, most of which he’s acutely aware of. Most days, he asks his ancestors and the heavens to look out for him and aide him in the pursuit of bettering himself and enlightenment. He begins his day as his mother once taught him, looking to the sky for guidance. He aims to one day reach the clouds of his forefathers. 

 

Today, however, when Sasuke vindictively takes in the look Naruto shoots the hickeys all over Kiba’s neck, he decides it is not one of those days. Naruto, in his defence, doesn’t act like he even remembers what he said or screaming at Kiba when he entered the compound. The charitable thing for Sasuke to do would just be to ignore it, chalk it up to a bad night.

 

Sasuke was never very altruistic at all. 

 

“What’s gotten into you?” Kiba laughs as Sasuke ignores his daily coffee to cuddle up close to Kiba. Sasuke knows Kiba likes it when he’s affectionate, but has long since come to realise that Sasuke wouldn’t be as tender as Kiba was probably used to. It was one of the compromises they’d made early into their relationship, but Sasuke could see how this sudden change of personality from him was throwing him off. 

“Guess I woke up on the right side of the bed, huh, babe,” Sasuke murmurs, and listens for Naruto angrily tearing open the flavour packets for his instant noodles. If Naruto ever decided to give up the shinobi lifestyle, maybe he should consider going into acting. He seems to have a lot of talent for putting emotion into his actions. 

 

Kiba laughs, pushing him away and putting a warmed bun in his hand, trying to get Sasuke to eat his breakfast instead of Kiba’s neck. “C’mon, we can’t be late,” Kiba tries to be firm, but he’s not helped by the huge grin on his face, “You’re the one who insisted everyone had to come in early today.” 

“I’m the boss, I can do whatever I fucking want.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, boss,” Kiba says, getting up and helping Sasuke put the plates away in the sink for someone to wash later. 

 

Naruto leaves the kitchen in a huff, and slams the door behind him. 

 

—

 

For a long time, Sasuke had a hard time remembering the slaughter of his clan. Objectively, he knew it happened, he knew his family was all gone and would _never_ be coming back. He’d never get to feel the warmth in his mother’s hugs, her soft fingers getting rice-flour in his hair when she’d embrace him after school. He’d never hear his aunties and uncles calling out to him in the streets, his cousins playing with him and picking him up when he’s tired. His father’s sombre presence at the dinner table, giving Sasuke something to aspire to, and a sense of security. 

 

That was not what he had difficulty remembering. It was the bloody bodies of his family members lying in the streets, the iron smell of his mother and father bleeding out on the floor of his home as he watched their blood congeal and seep into the mats. It was the look Itachi gave him, the way his eyes seemed so hard and hateful in that moment, in a way that Sasuke had never seen him look before. 

 

That’s what Sasuke couldn’t remember. Those memories only came in nightmares, to be forgotten the moment he woke up covered in sweat. Those memories only trickled back years later in the hyperrealism that fantasy takes. That he couldn’t remember it happening was the only thing that kept him going when he was six years old. If he had been able to remember it, he wouldn’t have been able to go on. 

 

Instead, he was sealed and numbered and became one of the many children who had no emotions. He knew he got off lightly, being able to go to the Academy, unlike many of his comrades who only knew the training and living quarters of Root. 

 

Playing, laughing, childhood games all were resigned to memory as well, things for another Sasuke in a different life to know. Sasuke before and Sasuke after were worlds apart, practically two different people, and never should they meet again. 

The separation made it easier for his young mind to process: instead of living in memories, he knew only the cold realities of a life of war. 


	2. rest assured there's not a single person here who's worthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You remind me of sunshine,_ he says once to Naruto, and it’s not the first time Naruto’s heard that, but it’s the first time that it doesn’t feel trite.
> 
> “Do you still want to be Hokage?”  
> “Um, I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to lesbiankage for helping me with this fic and cheering me on when I was complaining about what I wanted to do. Hopefully this part has a little more humour than the last chapter!
> 
> Title of this chapter comes from Idle Worship by Paramore.
> 
> Be warned there's a mildly graphic description of torture in this chapter.

“Should I worry you have designs on my little brother?” Itachi asks Naruto, and it startles Naruto out of his daydreams. 

“What the fuck?” Naruto says before he can censor himself. Itachi’s the only person Naruto’s cared about swearing in front of since the Sandaime — he tells Tsunade and Jiraiya to fuck off on the regular and they don’t care. Itachi, however, has spend years practicing the look of a disappointed older brother and he hits Naruto with the full force of it. Naruto wilts under the gaze, his bandaged hand rubbing over his face tiredly. 

 

“I’m not, Itachi, he has a fucking _boyfriend,_ after all. It’s just, me being dumb, trying to fuck things up as I always do, you know me,” he tries to inject false mirth into his voice, but Itachi sees right through his lies. 

 

Itachi’s the best at reading people, and Naruto isn’t exactly the kind of person who can hide his feelings. 

Itachi sighs, and wraps his arms around Naruto’s shoulders in a loose hug. Naruto melts into it, the feeling of warmth from the man who’d come to be his older brother enough to cheer him up for now. “You’re not being dumb, Naruto. You love him, you spent years _obsessed_ with him, Naruto. Don’t think we didn’t notice. And when you left the village — it’s hard to remember that life can go on without you. Trust me, I know how you feel. I keep thinking I’m going to see my little brother and then I get this adult, this grown man who doesn’t need me anymore. The dissonance between what you’d imagined and reality is hard to bridge.” 

 

Naruto nods, pressing his wet face into Itachi’s shoulder. He hadn’t realised he’d started crying until he felt a tear drip from the tip of his nose onto his mouth, and he wasn’t even sure why it’d happened. Itachi just rubs his back, soothing him in the middle of the kitchen.

 

They just sit there until Sakura comes back, and she just says _oh Naruto_ and sits down beside him and wraps her arms around him as well. Naruto can’t believe he’s fucking crying in Sasuke’s kitchen. 

 

“Oh, Naruto, you know he’s a bastard. Don’t let him get to you,” Sakura whispers, and Naruto can feel Sakura ignoring Itachi’s frown. She pulls back, and cups Naruto’s face in her hands so he’s staring straight into her jade-green eyes. “Naruto, baby, he doesn’t _deserve_ you, okay? You’re better than him. He’s a selfish dick.” 

He knows she’s trying to comfort him, but his words don’t really make him feel any much better. Mostly, he just feels all emptied out of emotion, like a canteen that had been shaken out of every last drop of water. “I don’t know, it’s not even _like that._ I just — I want him back, even just as my friend. I want that back and he _doesn’t,_ and it’s fucking _hard!_ It’s hard because I, I know if I push him I’ll lose him forever but I can’t go back to being strangers, I can’t do that anymore, and —“ he chokes out, the words spinning loose from his tongue like dropped stitches, and he can’t look at Sakura anymore without being overwhelmed. 

 

Sakura looks between the two of them and she flickers through a myriad of emotions that Naruto didn’t catch, anger and sorrow and disappointment and pity among them. She didn’t have the connection with Sasuke that Naruto and Itachi had, and now she wasn’t still standing on the outskirts of Konoha looking in like Naruto and Itachi were forced to. The hospital and her girlfriend had helped her re-integrate, her parents were still alive, she’d never been branded a traitor and had her name slandered. Her situation was different, and she knew that despite all they’d been through together, this isn’t a burden she shared. 

 

Naruto and Itachi were still ostracised: Naruto stuck performing the D-rank missions even the greenest of genin wouldn’t take, and Itachi placed on desk duty in the bowels of the records department. They had no other family, few connections, and fewer friends. They were powerful enough to be feared, and even their attempts at socialisation did little to crack the ice between them and the village. They weren’t Konoha nin anymore, and everyone let them know it, while Sakura got to stay happily oblivious.

 

Naruto wasn’t usually a bitter person, but clearly, he and Itachi had crossed a bridge and burnt it behind them. Rebuilding would be a hell of an effort. 

 

“I know,” Itachi repeats, “I know.”

 

—

 

Naruto’s having a hard time associating the girl he grew up with, the one he sat behind in class and watched mature, with the girl currently pulling his fingernails out one by one. He’s missing three on his left hand, and they’re sluggishly bleeding from underneath the cuticle. (He’ll never complain about hangnails again.) It hurts like a bitch, but Naruto knows the reason Ino has a medinin on call is so she can force him to grow all of them back. Ino’s already unwrapped his other hand and looked disgustedly at the strange and paralytic wood cells, before ignoring it, knowing she can’t cause him pain there. She just focuses on mutilating his one human hand left, the constant trauma and healing making his fingers uglier and uglier by the second. Soon, the medic will heal his nail beds, and then, he knows, Ino will start again. 

 

“ _Just_ in case you forgot, I’ll ask the question again. _Why_ did you kill Sakura?” Ino growls, and Naruto can’t help but think that she’s not just asking because it’s her job. He only belatedly remembers how close Ino was to Sakura, how those two girls shared a bond he’d never have with Sakura, or anyone else.

 

He recalls their fight during those disastrous chuunin exams, how Sakura and Ino beat each other senseless and then cuddled up either, their explosively personal vendetta against each other mitigated by years of friendship and love. He understands her pain, and he doesn’t try to fight back as she breaks the two bones in his pinky finger. He knows he’s screaming, he can feel his vocal chords move as the pain overwhelms him, but it’s like his brain is jamming the sound, blocking it out. He’s never hurt like this before.

 

“I didn’t kill her,” he rasps, voice worn. It’s painful to talk, and he coughs up bile and blood, but Ino gives him no rest.

“You know what I mean!” she screams, and breaks his ring finger. They’re going to be _so fucking_ ugly by the end of this. 

“It was her idea! She did it, she followed me, I didn’t —“ 

 

Ino breaks three of Naruto’s ribs with tight jabs in quick succession, and in the pain, he blacks out.

 

—

 

Sai lets Naruto cry while he’s fucking him, and he doesn’t comment afterwards. Doesn’t even seem to notice the teardrops sliding down his back. Naruto feels disgusting and dirty, immeasurably awful for using Sai in this way, but that doesn’t stop him from coming back. Sai’s the only person in the village that touches him, really touches him without fear or loathing, and he’s so starved for physical touch after eight years away from the village. He’s a thirsty man in the desert, and Sai is the hallucinogenic cactus.

 

(It hurts him. It’s Konoha, his home, the place and people he sacrificed his youth and happiness to help. Instead, they treat him like a leper, and it’s back to square one. Except this time, everyone’s scared of him. Kurama tells him to ignore them, to leave again, to cause mischief depending on his mood. Naruto just wants to be part of the village.) 

 

So Sai lets Naruto kiss him, lets Naruto fuck him, wraps his arms around Naruto’s shoulders and ignores the ugliness of his right arm and pretends Naruto’s sobs are chokes or moans or something sexy. Naruto focuses on the pale skin and pretends Sai is someone else. He usually doesn’t even say anything when he leaves, just wipes his face on his shirt and gets dressed and exits silently. 

 

This time, he finishes and pulls out of Sai and ties off the condom and throws it expertly into the bin (almost like he’s a professional whose life depends on his ability to aim or something) and starts to adjust the loose bandages around his ugly excuse for a right arm. (He doesn’t think of Sasuke and how he’s managed without Tsunade’s healing expertise, how he’s managed to make a life for himself that’s better than Naruto’s with less than Naruto has.) 

 

“Why do you let me do this?” Naruto asks without watching his tongue, as he usually does. (He doesn’t beat himself up for that anymore, because if he did he’d be black and blue.)

“What do you mean?” Sai asks, and Naruto can’t read his expression. He doesn’t know if Sai is disgusted or laughing at him, and it’s awful that he’s so mistrustful.

“Y’know, use you… like this,” Naruto almost whispers, ashamed to be admitting this to himself and to Sai. 

 

Sai just laughs. “You act like I’m unwilling or get nothing out of this. I simply enjoy sex.” Naruto nearly goggles at Sai, not sure how to take that answer. He wants to take it at face value, if only to save his bruised ego, but Sai continues. “Besides, I like to help Ino-chan and Ino-chan wishes her girlfriend would spend less time talking about her extremely attractive best friend.” 

 

It takes a second for Naruto to connect that Sai just called him extremely attractive, and he blushes at the compliment. “Y-yeah. Sakura-chan worries.”

“Besides, you enjoy this, don’t you? So you can pretend I am Sasuke, and fulfil your desires that way, correct?” Sai smiles, tilting his head to the side and acting so nonchalant that Naruto’s suddenly _angry,_ furious that Sai could read him so easily. “I have been told Sasuke and I are similar. I think it is because we grew up together.”

 

Naruto didn’t know that, and Sai doesn’t elaborate, and Naruto wonders if this is another one of those things that everyone knows and is such common knowledge that everyone forgets Naruto’s out of the loop. Naruto wonders if Sai is his replacement. 

 

Naruto gets up to leave, and the worst thing is that Sai doesn’t stop him. Sai just sits there and stares at him, as Naruto pulls on his clothes achingly slowly, hoping Sai would try to initiate something else. He doesn’t.

“Goodbye, Naruto. See you tomorrow.” 

 

Naruto hates himself. 

 

—

 

He should be happy, really. Due to Jiraiya and Tsunade’s ceaseless lobbying, he’s reinstated as a full genin of Konoha, which means he’s allowed to go out on a A-rank mission with team of jounin. Unfortunately, the team that he was assigned is Jiraiya, Sai, and Hinata, for the exclusive reason that they are the only people in the village who are free and willing to work with him. It’s kind of devastating how badly he’s destroyed all his relationships, and how hard it’s going to be to repair them one by one. Naruto’s been trying but - maybe he hasn’t tried hard enough. 

 

Hinata’s been giving him looks out of the corner of her eye, small side glances trying to understand something that Naruto can’t pinpoint. They’ve been on the mission for three days now, having skirted the border of the Land of Rice Fields for the past four hours. During that time, Hinata’s said the bare minimum to him, choosing mostly to stay silent or converse with Jiraiya. She’s the leader of the mission, despite the fact that it’s a mission to re-establish Jiraiya’s own spy connections. 

 

They stop for a break before crossing the border, Hinata deciding not to enter enemy territory until the last possible moment.Naruto doesn’t know whether to approach her or ignore her, but instead she comes up to him. 

 

“You’ve changed, Naruto-kun,” she says softly, and Naruto hadn’t realised it before, but she’d totally lost her stutter. It’s noticeable in its absence. 

“You have too,” he replies, laughing awkwardly and reaching up to scratch the back of his head, before realising he’d reached with his right hand and lowering it back under his cape. Hinata sees it, of course, her eternally vigilant eyes catching everything he does. He’s not sure what she wants him to say. 

“I didn’t really believe Kiba, but it’s true. You really have grown up.” 

“Uh, well I was gone a long time! You know how it is!” 

She nods slowly in reply, looking up at the trees around them thoughtfully.

 

He didn’t — he should have realised, but he didn’t really think people would actually talk about him, that he’d still be so interesting after all these years. He thought these people knew him, knew that he wouldn't just betray Konoha and kill his teammate. He supposes the years of fearing him and hating him were just too much, especially after — after all he’d done, anyway. 

 

“So, you’re a teacher now, huh? That’s pretty cool. Like Iruka-sensei.” 

“Yes. I enjoy it more so than frontline battle,” she replies, shrugging coolly, “After the war… seeing so many die… That’s not something I wish to repeat. Besides, I’m the Hyuuga clan head now, I am responsible for more than just myself.” 

“Yeah, I get that.”

“No, Naruto, you don’t,” she says, more forceful than before, and she stares right into Naruto’s soul with her pale eyes, “you came late. You didn’t witness firsthand the pure destruction Madara unleashed upon us. You don’t understand what it was like to live in Konoha under the Godaime. You don’t, and will never understand it. Just like we will never understand your pain. If you truly want to be a Konoha shinobi, you must accept that. Or else you will always be a stranger.” 

 

They don’t say anything for a few minutes, and then Hinata stands up again, signalling for everyone to follow her. They’re off. 

 

—

 

They track through the Land of Rice Paddies for a few days, before switching course and backtracking their way across the border to the Land of Hot Springs. Jiraiya says he’s received intel that it would be safer to meet their contacts there, and Hinata trusts him enough to agree to the change of plans. 

 

When they meet their contacts, however, Naruto can immediately tell that Hinata does not trust Suigetsu’s extremely large sword. He doesn’t make an effort to tell her not to worry, mainly because he knows Suigetsu doesn’t trust outsiders and therefore she probably _should_ worry.

 

“Oh man,” Suigetsu says, “You finally fucking showed up. Karin was about to get us to storm Konoha itself looking for you!”

“Don’t sound too disappointed, Suigetsu,” Naruto laughs, greeting his old friend with a warm hug, “I can’t let you slaughter Konoha on my watch!”  
“Yeah, yeah. No fun Naruto’s back, I get it. Karin’s got me all tied up, man. You gotta free me!”

 

Karin greets Sai, like she knows him, and both Naruto and Hinata are surprised by it. Naruto didn’t know about _that_ , and once again he’s made to feel inferior to his companions. The greetings are awkward, if only that everyone knows each other except for the mission leader, and Naruto stands between Juugo and Suigetsu hoping someone would say something else.

 

“Let’s get something to _eat!”_ Jiraiya announces, clapping his hands together, and Suigetsu leads the odd group towards the seediest possible bar in town. Naruto rolls his eyes and tells Jiraiya that the first round is on him. The old man doesn’t make much of an effort at protesting. 

 

Once they’ve sat down and gotten pleasantries out of the way, Jiraiya schools his face into something more serious. How quickly he can change his personality still surprises Naruto, even after all these years, even when it shouldn’t. (This mission is not one Naruto even really needs to be on.) “Hinata,” Jiraiya says, “as you may or may not know, Sai was one of my spies that infiltrated Root and exposed Danzo. We’ve been working together for some time in order to build up a strong spy network throughout the lands. Clearly, placing spies even within my own village has come in handy, although the lack of trust I now have is worrying. 

 

“Karin is another one of my agents. She has her own formidable network, and it is my hope to establish ties between her work and Konoha. She has previously expressed interest in this connection, which is why we are introducing you now. Naruto, Sakura, and Tsunade can vouch for her character, if the Hokage needs additional confirmation. Hopefully I will be able to retire soon, and pass on the spymaster’s work to Karin. That’s beside the point now, haha! 

 

“As I’m sure Kakashi has explained to you, the point of this meeting is mostly to familiarise yourself with Karin and open pathways to liaison, which I’m sure you are more than able to achieve. Between Karin’s contacts and research, and Konoha’s funding, I am sure we can reach an agreement that’s satisfactory That’s pretty much all I have to say on the matter. We can hash out business and finances better tomorrow morning, when it’s not so late.” 

 

With that clear dismissal, their conversation fractures into smaller groups. While Jiraiya and Hinata are still discussing something clearly work-related, Karin looks bored at the thought of contracts. She huddles beside beside him instead, slinging her arm around his shoulders as she leans her head on his chest. 

“So how’s my favourite cousin, huh?”

“I’m your only cousin, Karin,” he replies tiredly, and she laughs at their inside joke. It stopped being that funny years ago to him, but she still seems to get a kick out of it.

“Where’s Sakura, anyway?” she waggles her eyebrows at him, and he snorts. 

“She’s got a girlfriend now, Karin, you gotta find another fuckbuddy.”

“Ugh. That’s gonna be annoying. Couldn’t she have sent a letter or something? How’s Konoha treating you, anyway? You made up with your boyfriend yet?”  
“No!” Naruto coughs, glancing sideways at Hinata, hoping she didn’t hear that, “no, he actually, uh, he already has a. Y’know. Boyfriend. Who’s not me.” 

 

Karin makes a face that looks like she wants to say something, wants to say _oh honey_ in the same voice Sakura uses whenever Naruto talks about Sasuke, but she tactfully says nothing instead. He pours them both another cup of sake, and they clink their bowls together carefully. In some ways, they’re too alike.

 

—

 

Naruto goes to the Konoha shinobi temple when he gets back, because he knows he’s not needed for debriefing and he doesn’t really know what else to do. He’s not an especially spiritual person, but he’s gotten into the habit of going since he started travelling with Jiraiya. The formulaic nature of paying his respects to the Sage is comforting and familiar, a reminder that for all their differences, the essential heart of shinobi and the world is the same. In that way, the going to the temple always feels like going home. 

 

He finishes his prostrations slowly, taking the time to actually reflect on what’s happened in his life since he’d last come to temple. The artistic rendering of the Sage of Six Paths doesn’t seem so imposing anymore, now that he knows the man personally. In some ways, it feels similar to the way he felt when he used to go talk with the Sandaime, a lifetime ago.

 

After he’s finished paying his respects, he takes out the incense he brought and lights it as well, placing the sticks in front of the altars for the first four Hokages. Part of him is a little vindictively glad that Danzo’s own altar is sparse, but he quashes those bad thoughts out of respect for the village and the temple. Instead, he lingers in front of his father’s portrait, deciding to kneel down and meditate, hoping his father will give him wisdom and guidance. It’s as good a bet as any. 

 

His father doesn’t arrive, as Naruto should have expected, but he feels a little bit lighter anyway.

 

—

 

He’s often been told he’s too predictable, and while he’s mostly grown out of the habits he had when he was a kid, whenever he feels upset he always finds himself at Ichiraku with a bowl of pork bone ramen. It’s his comfort food, reminding him of home and feeling loved and wanted, before everything else. 

 

It should be obvious that Kakashi would easily find him there, savouring the ends of his first bowl. 

“I thought I’d find you here, Naruto,” he says gently, his Hokage robes discarded in favour of a simple flak jacket and jounin blues. It’s strange to see him like this, without his Sharingan or his eye hidden. It serves to remind Naruto how much he’s missed.

 

A noodle falls out of Naruto’s mouth as he stares at Kakashi taking a seat beside him, not sure how to react to the man who’d ignored him since he’d come here.  
“I think I owe you an apology, Naruto,” he starts, voice soft, “I was too hard on you, because I blamed myself for your disappearance. I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations with myself as a bad sensei on you. I hope you can forgive me.” 

 

Naruto’s eyes flick to old man Teuchi, who’s very conspicuously trying to not listen into their conversation, and failing. 

“Uh,” Naruto says, his mouth suddenly dry, “thank you, Hokage-sama. I’m sorry, too — for not telling you I was leaving.”

“But not sorry for leaving?”

Naruto pauses, but only for a second, before shaking his head. “No, Hokage-sama. Someone had to do it. If it wasn’t me, it’d’ve been someone else.” 

 

Kakashi nods and orders a bowl from Teuchi as well. “I’m glad, Naruto. I’m glad it was you, and I’m glad you stand by your beliefs. You’ve grown into a fine shinobi. It was an honour to be your sensei, even if we only had a small time together. I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for more of it.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama,” Naruto chokes out, his throat dry and his eyes welling up by themselves. He doesn’t know why these words fill him with so much emotion, but they do. 

“I hope one day I’ll be worthy of being your sensei again, Naruto.” 

 

Naruto stares at him, and he can’t help it, his body moves by itself, beyond his control. He leans over and wraps his arms tightly around Kakashi’s body and presses his face deep into the crook of Kakashi’s neck and quietly, starts to weep.

 

—

 

Naruto hasn’t been back in the village for more than a few days before he finds himself at another bar, working his way through a neat whiskey and wondering who here is also looking for a nightly companion. The last time he had sex was on the mission, once with Suigetsu, once with Sai, and once with a civilian woman who’d found him attractive enough and had no idea who he was. 

 

But he’s lonely again, and without the constant companionship of his teammates, he’d much rather just find himself a partner than alone and unhappy. (He’s trying to avoid Sai, not willing to untangle the mess of emotions that it entails.) 

 

There’s a chuunin that was looking him up and down when he entered, and she’s plain but not wholly repulsive, so he sets his sights on her. He’s about to order another drink and go over when Neji walks into the bar and takes a seat right beside Naruto, close enough their thighs are touching. Naruto is hyper-aware of the decisiveness of Neji’s actions, and he doesn’t know what to make of it. 

“What are you drinking?” Neji asks him, and Naruto gestures to his drink. “Let me get this round, then.” 

 

Neji comes back with another whiskey for Naruto and a beer for himself, and silently hands Naruto’s glass to him. Their fingers brush against each other, and Naruto looks up at Neji’s face, only to get trapped in the serious gaze of his moon-like eyes. He looks so much like his cousin, or she looks like him. They both have aged into the serious face of the Hyuuga, and Neji’s eyes are so intense it makes Naruto shiver, even in the warm bar. 

 

“Hello, Neji,” he rasps, and takes another sip from his glass. 

“Hello, Naruto,” Neji replies, and he looks like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t, just lets the thread of conversation die as he continues assessing Naruto for something. Or maybe he’s just working himself up to say it.  
“So, uh, how’s work?” Naruto tries, and it’s enough to startle a laugh out of Neji. 

 

Neji laughs for a full minute, soft but mirthful and uncontrollable, and Naruto starts to join in when Neji leans over and kisses him. What? Naruto blinks, but Neji’s still pressing his lips softly against Naruto’s own, even though he’s not taking the kiss any further. And why the hell should Naruto not deepen it on his own? Neji sure is a lot prettier than that chuunin, anyway, and he clearly wants this, so maybe he just. Should. 

 

Neji breaks apart, and smiles at him. “I’m ANBU,” he whispers, and kisses Naruto again. 

 

Naruto leans into Neji’s touch, kissing back and reaching up to tangle his hands in Neji’s long hair, closing his eyes and trying not to think as he just focuses on being wanted. It’s nice to be pursued, he realises. It makes him feel wanted.

 

— 

 

The first time he has sex, he’s sixteen and curious and there’s a pretty civilian girl in the Grass village they’re staying in that keeps interrupting his training. She watches him exercise every day for a week, blushing when he gets too hot and takes off his shirt. He knows he shouldn’t let her, that there’s a war going on and he doesn’t need civilian distractions, but it’s been just him and the Pervy Sage for months and he’s a young man. 

 

He thinks about sex and steals away to jack off and he’s _read_ the Jiriaya’s books, okay, and he wants to experience some of that for himself. 

 

After a week, he accepts when she invites him back for dinner, and he follows her half way back to her house when she turns around and kisses him deeply. He’s only ever kissed twice before, and neither of those turned out well. (Sasuke outwardly hates him and Sakura quickly discovered she was a lesbian.) This Grass girl isn’t a lesbian or his rival, and she’s _safe._

 

He lets her push him up to the tree and sink to her knees and give him a blowjob and _wow,_ he now knows why people in the locker rooms brag about getting blowjobs now, because it’s _amazing._ He cums way too quick into her mouth and she gives him a dirty look, but drags him down and helps him clumsily fondle her to completion. 

 

She eventually takes him home, and he shakes hands with her father with her stickiness still slightly on his fingers and he wonders how she doesn’t just _die_ of embarrassment. He feels like he can still smell sex in the air and wonders how everyone in the entire village doesn’t know he just _fucked_ her with his _fingers._

 

The next day he blushes as he tells Jiraiya, and Jiraiya ruffles his hair and asks if Naruto’s _in love._ Not with her, he replies, shaking his head and Jiraiya gives him a long, solemn look. 

 

Soon after, they leave the girl and Grass country behind, but his sexual appetite comes along with him, now he knows what sex is like, it just leaves him yearning for more. 

 

— 

 

“Dude,” Kiba calls, and Naruto had sensed Akamaru and his chakra about five minutes ago, so he’s ready and waiting for him. 

 

He’s drinking from his canteen when Akamaru runs around his legs, deciding to sit down on Naruto’s sandaled feet. He wonders how to interpret that, when Kiba finally catches up to him. 

“Dude, I can’t believe you _fucked Neji._ He’s been crowing about it all fucking week, he’s so fucking pleased with himself,” Kiba’s laughing, and Naruto can’t hate him even though he’s been trying really hard to. 

 

(Sasuke clearly hasn’t said anything to Kiba about what Naruto said about him, and Naruto’s grateful that Sasuke has at least given him that much.) 

 

“I can’t really imagine Neji crowing,” Naruto mumbles back, shrugging and looking away. He can’t quite meet Kiba’s eyes, still, and it’s weird to think that Kiba discusses his _sex life._ With his _coworkers._

“Oh, yeah, apparently you’re totally hung like a horse! Sai disagrees but like, what does that guy know, anyway?” 

_Too much,_ Naruto wants to say, but instead he just shrugs again. “I figured he’d at least… said something.” (Naruto’s already been propositioned by Tenten and Lee, and he only fucked Neji five days ago.) 

“Yeah! Shino’s super fucking jealous, ‘cause he totally had a thing for Neji when he was like, fifteen. But Neji’s _straight,_ I don’t know how you did it, man. He’s the straightest dude on the squad and like, only talks about pussy, it’s super fucking annoying. And then he comes in talking about how he _sucked your huge dick_ and I’m like what the fuck bro, you said you were full hetero! And _he’s_ like, oh well 99% hetero, Naruto’s totally my gay exception since he kicked my ass in the chuunin exams also did you know he’s got a _dick piercing_ and part of me wasn’t surprised since you clearly have a tongue piercing and your nips done as well but also I want to make sure he’s not lying because Shino put money that you don’t and I wanna win a bet for once!”

 

Naruto’s suddenly embarrassed about the fact he’s only in mesh shirt, his nipple piercings and tattoos extremely visible through the fabric. He’s glad that Sakura healed the hickeys that Neji and Lee left over Naruto’s neck and chest, knowing that would just be more fuel for the fire. Naruto needs a moment to take it all in, and then he flushes redder than he should be. He’s not used to people _gossiping_ about him, at least, not _positively._ Not in this way! He’s _embarrassed._

“Um, did he use those exact words?”  
“Well, he didn’t say that _exactly,_ but like, that was the gist of it,” Kiba rolls his eyes and leans in as if to grope Naruto’s crotch, and Naruto _leaps_ away. “C’mon, dude! It’s for _science!_ ”

“Science?”  
“Well, the science of me not losing fifteen hundred ryo, come _on!”_  
Naruto pauses, and crosses his arms. “You owe me fifty percent of your winnings.” 

 

Kiba pauses, and then _cackles_ excitedly. “Oh, man!”

 

—

 

Naruto’s dizzy from the torture, he’s weak and sealed up to his eyeballs in chakra blockers. It’d be effective if he wasn’t the closest there was to a seals master since the fall of Uzushio and his father, but Naruto’s got just enough chakra and control and movement to break the delicate connections tying him if he really wanted to. 

 

The crazy thing is, he doesn’t. It feels like penance, to be trapped here with his thoughts and feelings. 

 

To be trapped here with the thought of how much Sasuke hates him floating around his head, how much he really fucked Sasuke over. He’s the worst thing that ever happened to Sasuke, and it took all his strength to not respond to him. It takes all his strength to not burst out into sobs at the thought that he’d really caused more damage than he ever wanted to. 

 

It hurts, most of all, to think about how much pain he’d caused a man who’d already gone through something unimaginable. Naruto doesn’t think of himself as a cruel person, but what he did was unspeakably so. 

 

He deserves everything he’s gotten from Ino and more. 

 

—

 

Naruto’s not quite sure how it happened, but once Kiba got it in his mind that he and Naruto were going to be best friends again, he’d gained a friend group among his peers again. Usually, it was Kiba and Neji who made an effort to spend time with him when he was alone, but Hinata often joined them as well. From there it snowballed, Kiba bringing Shino and Neji bringing the rest of team Gai and when Sakura spent time with him, so did Ino and Sai and Choji and Shikamaru. And just like that, Naruto has friends again, people who want to hang out with him and talk to him and ask him questions about his adventures. 

 

He tells stories about the Pervy Sage and bounties he’d caught and the friends he’d made along the way. He keeps it light, and in return, they tell him stories about their time in Konoha, the missions they’d been on and the things they’d done. They don’t talk much about Danzo, but from what Naruto can glean he wasn’t an especially popular Hokage, to say the least. 

 

It’s nice to have friends again, Naruto being the extrovert he is, and it’s nice to have people who are interested. Having others around him seems to make him seem more approachable, as well, and other shinobi start to have small conversations with him. Some days he manages to wheedle Itachi into coming along, and everyone makes an effort to include him. (Even if it’s just pointing out the similarities between him and their boss.) 

 

Most days, though, it’s just Naruto and Kiba, or Naruto and Neji. Kiba and his banter falls into place easily, but his relationship with Neji is a little stranger. He doesn’t know why Neji likes him so much, the oblique references to their chuunin exam battle aside, but he’s willing to play along as long as it’s not a big trick. 

 

Neji, for some reason, is nice to him. He’s actually interested in his thoughts on things, he wants to hear about Naruto’s experiences and world view and thoughts on everything and everything. Neji treats Naruto more than just a curio, but as a real person he wants to get to know. It’s different to how Naruto’s ever been treated, and even though the sex is good, that isn’t even the thing that really captures Naruto’s attention. 

 

What Naruto treasures is the way Neji insists that Naruto stays in Neji’s huge bed for the night, the way Neji kisses Naruto softly and watches Naruto wake up to the early morning sun. _You remind me of sunshine,_ Neji says once to him, and it’s not the first time Naruto’s heard that, but it’s the first time that it doesn’t feel trite. 

 

Neji, for all his apparent hero worship and years of crushing on Naruto that Kiba tells him about, doesn’t act like he holds Naruto to any higher standard. Instead, he treats Naruto like an equal. It’s strange that Neji’s the first one to do that. 

 

“Do you still want to be Hokage?” Neji asks one day, tracing the mark of the seal that was apparent on Naruto’s skin. 

 

They’re lying in bed, sweat cooling on their bare chests, and Naruto’s half asleep when Neji asks.  
“Um, I don’t know.”

“That’s unlike you, Naruto,” Neji turns to him and frowns, and Naruto looks down at his seal and shrugs. 

“I was a _missing nin,_ Neji. I don’t deserve it,” he explains, the words sounding weak in his own mouth but he doesn’t know what else to say.  
“So? You’re also the saviour of the ninja world and the only one here who was powerful to take down a Sannin, a Hokage, and a founder of Konoha. There aren’t many in Konoha who are as qualified as you, Naruto.”

“Still, Neji, I abandoned the village! I _left,_ and I can’t just come back and say I still want to be Hokage, that’s just not how it works.” 

“I don’t know, Naruto,” Neji says softly, lifting Naruto’s chin up and meeting his eyes, “I don’t think you abandoned us. You were helping, in your own way. Besides, you were _thirteen._ No one can fault you for choices you made back then. It would be hypocritical of me to hold that against you.”

He shrugs again, “I don’t know what to say.”

Neji sighs, and leans in and kisses him again. “Just think about it, Naruto. One of the things I respected so much about you is your resolve. Just think about it.” 

“Yeah. Okay. I will.”

 

—

 

“Are you and Neji dating?” Sakura asks, and that’s really the first Naruto’s ever heard of it. He’s never _dated_ before, and suddenly he wonders if he’d been cheating on Neji this entire time. 

 

Naruto panics. “Oh, _fuck!”_

 

Sakura’s eyes widen, and she instantly realises what’s been going on. She hasn’t exactly been blind to Naruto’s sexual adventures through the years, either. This wouldn’t be the first time that Naruto’s broken someone’s heart due to his obliviousness and well-meaning. 

 

“Oh, Naruto, _honey,_ how do you get yourself into these situations?” Sakura says softly, rubbing his back gently as he slowly works himself into a fit over this situation. 

“I don’t fucking _know,_ Sakura! He’s just — he’s so fucking _nice_ to me, this has got to be a fucking set up, or something. People don’t just _like me,_ they’re not just _nice_ to me! I should have fucking, fucking known, this is either a set up or it’s just gonna end badly and I’m gonna lose all my friends and everyone’ll hate me!” 

 

“Stop,” Sakura says firmly, her grip strong on his shoulders, but he can’t stop shaking. “Naruto, stop!” 

 

She bops him on the head, and he stills, looking back at her with big round eyes, and they’re both silent for a moment. Naruto starts laughing first, and Sakura follows soon after, hugging him tightly. 

“I’m sorry, Sakura,” he says, muffled by her shoulder, and she shakes her head. 

“It’s not your fault, Naruto. It’s everyone else for treating you like shit. You’re a good person, and my best friend, okay? I’m _glad_ I left Konoha with you, because I’m glad you’re my best friend. I’m glad to have someone like you at my back, Naruto. If they can’t appreciate that, fuck them, okay? Fuck _them._ You are the best man I have ever met in my entire life and you deserve better than them. You deserve better than to be treated like this. I’m only here ‘cause of you, Naruto. If you wanna leave, we can go. We can find Uzushio or something, I’m sure Karin would prefer we did that —“

“No, no, Sakura. It’s good. It’s fine, I’m just being dumb because Neji reminded me about, well. You know how I wanted to be Hokage, when I was a kid? He reminded me of that. And now I just don’t know if that’s even my goal anymore or if I’m just being stupid.”

“For what it’s worth, Naruto, you’d be a great Hokage. You’ll be great at anything you want to do, Naruto. You want to know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t give up. So why are you giving up now, dumbass?”

 

She playfully bops his head again, but it’s still hard enough to give Naruto an egg of a lump on his head.  
“Okay, fine, fine, Sakura-chan. I get it, please stop hitting me!” 

 

She laughs and reaches out to tickle him, and he falls back onto the mat in a flurry of giggles.

 

—

 

“Oh, fucking hell, Sasuke,” Naruto’s laughing, he’s lost so much blood his head is spinning and it’s all he can do to turn his head to face Sasuke. “Oh, fuck, you really did a number on me, asshole. I think my _arm’s gonna fall off!”_

“Your arm was blasted into the lake, idiot, it’s not there anymore,” Sasuke replies, his voice trying to be even but he’s still too winded to really sound scary. 

 

Naruto looks down and yeah, his arm isn’t there anymore. That’s kinda fucked up, really. Dawn breaks to their silence, the silence of the whole world as the eternal mangekyo unravels and releases everyone from Madara’s hold. Dawn light glints off the pool of blood drying between Naruto and Sasuke, and it illuminates Sasuke’s face. 

 

He looks sad, in a way that Naruto has never seen before. It kind of breaks Naruto’s heart. 

 

“I guess I lose again,” Sasuke laughs, and Naruto stares back at him. “Don’t ever really have much luck here, do I?” It’s not a very nice laugh, it’s mean and ugly and angry, and Naruto wants to flinch away from him. 

“I…” Naruto tries, but his mouth is too dry and he’s too dizzy to really think of something good to say. 

“I’ve been fucking. Training every day since you left, working my damn fucking _hardest_ to bring you back, but it doesn’t matter, right? You don’t care, do you. You don’t _care_ about Konoha, you don’t care about _me_ or _Kakashi,_ or any of your other friends, do you, Naruto? You just care about your own fucking self, what you can fucking do, and that’s it. We’re all second to that.”

“That’s not _true,_ Sasuke, you know it’s not. I wasn’t - I didn’t mean to leave you, I just had an obligation, to my clan, and to the people of Konoha, and _justice._ I was trying to bring justice to your clan, Sasuke, you’ve gotta believe me. I did this _for_ you.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t reply at all, just turns his head back and looks up at the sky, watching the clouds move. 

 

“Sasuke, please. We’re going to die here, please, just. Accept my apology, you bastard! Let me fucking say sorry!” 

 

Sasuke looks like he’s not going to say anything for a long moment, and then he speaks so quietly that Naruto nearly misses it. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Naruto.” 

 

Soon after, Sakura and Kakashi and Tsunade arrive, and Sakura patches Sasuke up enough that he won’t totally bleed out in the Valley. There’s a group of Konoha ninja right behind them, they explain to Naruto, and they pick him up and spirit him away from Sasuke again. 

 

Naruto doesn’t even get a real chance to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @toadsages!


	3. they said "you are all to blame"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sure. You didn’t think. You don’t think. You never fucking think, you just go and do what’s best and everyone’s got to live with your choices, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch. title is from All the Angels by My Chem. Sorry if this is not as polished as I usually do, I wanted to get something up before I move and I had already kept you guys waiting, sorry! Hope you enjoy!

Sasuke regrets letting Sakura know where the ANBU offices are, even though it was instrumental in saving a life to let her in. Despite that, for the current reason that Sakura is fifteen seconds from ransacking the offices looking for Naruto, he wonders if it was worth it. She’s asking for Neji, and intimidating seasoned ANBU officers trained in counterintelligence and torture. 

 

Naturally, Neji is hiding in the corner of Sasuke’s office while he watches Sakura’s rampage through the blinds. They only have a minute or so more until she reaches his office, and it’s not long enough to come up with a good plan. Sasuke lets the blinds drop and turns back to Neji, signalling him to get out while he still can.

 

_ No,  _ Neji signals back, _ I should face her before this gets out of hand.  _

_ You’re crazy.  _

_ Maybe so. But she’ll just get worse.  _

_ True, _ Sasuke finishes signing and then Sakura bursts into the door. Thank fuck Neji’s deactivated his Byakugan. 

 

“Neji!”

“Sakura-san, I was just finishing up here. Are you here to see Uchiha-taicho?”

“No, I was looking for you!” She’s nearly shouting, and Sasuke’s not sure if it’s just his imagination or the glass is actually shaking. 

“And why is that, Sakura-san? Is there something urgent at the hospital?” Neji replies, and Sasuke can literally  _ see  _ when Neji’s ANBU training kicks in. 

“Don’t play dumb with me!” she nearly shouts, “What are your intentions with Naruto?”

“Naruto Uzumaki?”

“ _ No,  _ the other fucking Naruto we know.  _ Of course  _ I mean  _ Uzumaki! _ ” 

 

Neji looks at Sasuke for help, but Sasuke just signs  _ you’re on your own  _ back and wonders if he can squeeze out of the room without Sakura noticing. 

 

“What are your intentions with him?” Sakura’s voice has dropped a hundred decibels, now soft and syrupy sweet in a way that Sasuke has learnt from experience that you never want to hear out of a kunoichi. 

“Uh,” Neji replies, and Sasuke has never heard him stammer before. 

“Because if you hurt him, if you’re just messing around with that poor boy, I swear to god I will castrate you so slowly you will feel me slicing through the molecules of your body. You got that?”

“Yes,” Neji responds, taking a step back from her and Sasuke can physically see him having to stop himself from cupping his crotch. 

 

“Neji’s had Naruto’s Bingo Book page in his locker for a good three years now, I can vouch it’s not a joke,” Sasuke cuts in, voice lazy and bored. It’s mannerism he’d borrowed from Kakashi, and it comes in handy in times like this.

Neji shoots him a dirty look, but Sakura seems mollified. 

“Fine. Just remember what I said. Naruto may want to re-integrate, but I have  _ no  _ fucking issue being a missing-nin.” 

 

It’s probably not something Sakura should say in front of two of Konoha’s protectors, but they understand what she’s trying to say. 

 

She shoots Neji another fierce glare, and stalks out. 

 

“You sure you really want to be involved in that mess?” Sasuke asks Neji when Sakura’s out of hearing distance. 

“Sasuke, with all due respect to Kiba, you do not  _ understand  _ what that man can do. It is worth it a thousand times over.”

Sasuke just shrugs and grunts and rolls his eyes. “I doubt that dead-last can even get it up long enough for it to be worth it.”

 

—

 

Sasuke became full ANBU 3 years ANL (After Naruto Left). Since the dissolution of Team 7 and the installation of Danzo as the Godaime Hokage, Sasuke had been fast-tracked through the ANBU training with both Root and Kakashi, who had decided to return to full-time ANBU service. While he had tagged along with Team Gai and Team 8 in order to train in taijutsu, genjutsu, and using his dojutsu; he still had not made any real friends. 

 

Only a few months into his ANBU career did Neji join the corps as well, and was put alongside Sasuke. Keeping the newbies together seemed counterproductive at the time, only later did Sasuke learn it was so Danzo could utilise their need to prove themselves to undercut each other. In retrospect, the ever-changing lineup of new recruits was not about adaptation and more about dividing those in the unit. 

 

Sasuke hated Neji at first. They were too similar in a lot of ways, both labelled geniuses, both important to their clan, both marked and wielding a kekkei genkai others would kill them for. Sasuke had never much liked people similar to him, perhaps because he’d pitted against them for most of his life. 

 

Neji, however, had forced Sasuke to befriend him, despite his initial reservations. Neji, who had become friends with Lee and Tenten and the rest of the Konoha 11 and known a life outside ANBU and had faced down hope incarnate and lost, just like Sasuke, knew what Sasuke needed, and gave it to him with open hands and a wide smile. 

That’s why Neji was his right hand man, and why he trusted Neji so implicitly. It was why he confided in Neji things he would never tell even Kiba. And it was why, when he saw Neji underdressed and making out with Naruto (his enemy) in his living room, he dropped the cup of tea he was holding in shock. 

 

“Shit!” he hissed, jumping out of the scalding hot water and trying to shake it off his leg before it burnt him. “Motherfucking motherfucker! Fuck fuck fuck fuck —“ There were shards of broken porcelain all over his floor, and he was in bare feet, and it was amazing that he was the ANBU captain when he still did dumb shit like this, but it’s not like he could fucking stop it, could he. It was Naruto’s fault anyway — Naruto. 

 

Naruto was watching him, having broken away from Neji and jumped about a foot away from his boyfriend, his mouth open as he saw Sasuke behaving more loosely and openly around him than he possibly ever had before. Sasuke immediately stiffens, his face dropping into a careful blankness, but he could see Naruto registering what had just happened already. Fuck. 

 

“Do you need a hand?” Neji asks, and Sasuke flips him off grumpily. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Sasuke grouched, and Neji laughs.

“What, I’m not allowed to have boytoy underlings now? Is that an opportunity only the great Uchiha is allowed? Forgive me, Uchiha-taicho,” Neji responds in a dry sarcasm that makes Sasuke itch. 

“He’s not your underling.”

“He’s a genin, and younger than me, I think that counts,” Neji counters. 

 

“Actually,” Naruto cuts in, and they both turn to face him, “I’m older than you, Neji. I failed the Academy exam twice. I was in your grade for a year. Also, I’d prefer not to be called a boytoy.” 

“Too late,” Sasuke muttered, and Neji rolled his eyes. 

“Anyway, the point is that if you’re allowed to have a relationship, I am too.”

“No one said you couldn’t have a relationship! Just don’t string along Naruto because you’re going through a gay experimentation phase, asshole.” 

“It’s not a gay experimentation phase if he’s the love of my life,” Neji responds in his deadpan, and Naruto shuffles nervously in his seat with those words, his face going strangely pale. 

 

Interesting. Looks like it isn’t the marital bliss Sasuke had assumed. 

 

“No gay experimentation on my fucking couch. Go do that in the Hyuuga compound.”

Neji sniffs, shaking his head, “Here I don’t have to worry about Lady Hinata seeing my personal life.” 

“She has the Byakugan, she could probably see half way across Konoha if she really cared that much,” Sasuke counters, and Neji sputters. 

 

Score: 1 for Sasuke, 2 for Naruto and Neji. (Fuck.)

 

—

 

Missions, despite all the bloodshed they were the cause of, were a blessing in Sasuke’s opinion. Six months into the Godaime’s rule, Konoha had been closed off, a barrier erected over the entire village like a dome, blocking the blue of the sky out. It never rained in Konoha anymore, but it was never sunny either. The melancholy of the ever-present greyness served as a reminder of Danzo’s continuing power. 

 

Sasuke hated it. Being ANBU meant he was rarely allowed to leave the village, but those few missions where he was allowed beyond the borders of Konoha were the bright spots to break up his dismal life. Outside, Sasuke got to experience sunshine and rain and snow and blusters, bone-chilling cold and brain-sweating heat, change. He was grateful for each ray of light, each drop of rain, because he knew if he couldn’t appreciate it while he was out he’d never be able to back home. 

 

More than once, he’d debated just leaving the village, just like Naruto. He could take off and never come back, make new friends and live his life. He was strong enough to be a missing-nin. Perhaps he could make good on Orochimaru’s offer, or track his brother down. (He couldn’t. He’d made too many bonds to be able to leave the village with a clear conscience, and what if Naruto came back? He couldn’t risk it, even for his brother. Long ago, back in the Land of Waves, he chose Naruto over Itachi. He’s too proud to go back on his decision.) 

 

Outside the village, as well, were other things. Illicit items that were banned in Konoha, pornography and substances galore. Outside missions were Danzo’s inch, but every one of Sasuke’s cohort took a mile. Most especially, Sasuke’s ANBU squad. 

 

Missions were conducted in a haze of cigarette smoke and alcohol, occasionally speed or weed if they could get their hands on it. Money was stolen from assassination targets, carefully squirrelled away into a communal drug fund exclusively for the purpose of play.

 

Between the four of them, they learnt the power of efficiency. If they could finish their missions early, they could go on short stints of holiday before they were due back in the village or counted as MIA. In that tight line they walked, Sasuke grew up. 

 

While Konoha represented stagnation, Sasuke truly became a man in the desert towns of Suna and the waterlogged villages of Ame; learning the art of the bedroom and the magic in a cigarette. He wondered if this was what Naruto was learning as well, if he too had passed through these inns and lain in the same sheets and thought, too, about Sasuke. 

 

Thinking too hard, however, was dangerous, and Sasuke soon after learnt to keep his imagination on a tight rein.

 

— 

 

Tsunade is a truly terrifying woman. Her brute strength alone would be fearsome, but it is her stamina and the decibels of her voice that really frighten Sasuke. Despite ranking higher than her by several leagues, he is awed still by her preceding reputation and her presence itself. Part of Sasuke feels sorry for Naruto and Sakura, having to grow up with her as their mother-figure. Even half-hungover and nursing a cup of genmaicha, she cuts an imposing figure, overshadowing even Sakura beside her. 

 

The glare she gives Sakura, when Kiba comes in and asks for her to pay up, is truly astounding. Sasuke sips his tea in silence. 

“I learnt from the best,” Sakura mumbles softly, but she has the smarts to look abashed to Tsunami’s face.

“Did you bet the same as Neji?” Sasuke asks Kiba, rolling his eyes. 

Kiba just laughs, nodding with a big grin on his face, “Oh, you fucking know it, Boss. I don’t know how he does it but that motherfucker always wins. Rookie mistake, Sakura!”

 

Sakura rolls her eyes before paling when Tsunade shoots her another glare, and quiets down as she takes her seat at the table. 

“Quiet down, brats, before I punt you through this window,” Tsunade growls at Sakura and Kiba, and Sasuke grins into his coffee as they’re chastised. The part of him that’s still a teenager thinks it’s hilarious to see those older than him get told off, especially since he still doesn’t really like Sakura. (Tsunade gets a pass from him, mainly out of respect but also because she is the only one of his guests that treats him with the respect of a Clan Head.) 

 

“Shut up, Kiba,” Sakura hisses as Kiba slides in beside Sasuke, “I’ll win next time, you know I will.”

He snorts, even though he’s one to talk since he only wins when he copies someone else’s bet, “Yeah right. You’re as legendary of a sucker as your master.” 

“Shut up, Tsunade’s not a sucker! She’s just cursed, okay?” (Tsunade closes her eyes and nods in agreement at that.) 

“The only bet you’ve won is the Naruto one, and that’s because you were probably there!”

“Oh, come on, it was a valid win!”

“What’s the Naruto one?” Sasuke asks, because even though he’s friends with most of his subordinates, they keep him out of the office banter, mainly because it’s weird for their boss to be included on their bets. 

 

“Oh, you know, does Naruto really have a dick piercing or was Neji just lying,” Kiba explains, and Tsunade conspicuously exits the room. He wishes he could follow her, finding it kind of awkward to talk about his childhood friend’s penis.

“Why would Neji lie about it?” Sakura says, “It was a dumb bet, everyone knows he’s got all kinds of shit pierced.” 

“All kinds of shit?” Sasuke says in a small voice, his mouth betraying his mind.

“Oh yeah,” Kiba barrels on, “He’s like uh, remember the Six Paths of Pein?” – like Sasuke was likely to forget – “Like those dudes, he’d be in real trouble if there were any Magnet release types left.”

 

“Oh.” Sasuke didn’t know that.    
  


–

 

The sky threatens rain on the day of Danzo’s inauguration, and Sasuke stands with the rest of Root in silence. They watch as a unit, masked and concealed around Danzo and the ceremony as he gives his inaugural speech to the somber crowd. 

 

The Third didn’t retire. This was just an extension of his funeral. Danzo seems unaffected by the impassive nature of the crowd, swept up in his own personal excitement for his newfound power. For someone who demanded the constraint of all emotion and complete rationality from his underlings, he sure was a man ruled primarily by feelings. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t feel anything today, except the few solitary drops of rainfall from the swollen cloud cover. He doesn’t feel those either, rather he is only disturbed by the force of the drops on his mask, and then he feels nothing again. He doesn’t look up. 

 

He is an elite ninja. Sarutobi has been dead for six months. He doesn’t feel anything anymore. 

 

Life goes on. 

 

“And let us step forward into a new age of prosperity and peace, for Konoha and her citizens!” Danzo cries, elated, his hands thrust into the air like the wizened branches of a dead tree. 

 

The crowd claps politely. No one cares. 

 

–

 

Itachi is assigned to his records rooms, for some reason. A traitor to the village, a mass-murderer and international terrorist has  _ no  _ place in the secret files of Konoha’s most elite division. Sasuke wants to go to Kakashi, wants to ban Itachi from going near his division, wants to convince his sensei to distrust his brother. He doesn’t do any of that. 

 

He assigns Sai to monitor him, and then goes and bothers his brother himself. Isn’t that what brothers are for?   
  


“Itachi,” Sasuke says, finding the two of them sorting through the dusty stacks towards the back of the third records basement. Sai and Itachi have their heads bent together, sorting through a bin of old scrolls, and don’t even seem to notice his arrival. He is louder. “Itachi.”

 

Sai shoots up into a formal resting position, partially out of respect and partially out of insolence. Sai’s brand of humor is beyond Sasuke, in some hyperreal dimension of absurdity, but Sasuke has just learnt to tolerate it. 

“At ease, Sai,” he repeats, and Sai falls into a not-slouch, “what are you looking at?”

 

“Oh,” Itachi says, like he just realised Sasuke was there, like he wasn’t fully aware of it the moment Sasuke entered the room, “just some old archives of clan involvement during the Nidaime’s time.” 

 

The Nidaime established the ANBU core, these were probably some of the oldest files in the whole place, the origins of clans in Konoha, the records of them settling down. Sasuke’s Rinnegan catches the Uchiha emblem on the end of the scroll easily, even in the dark, because he was looking for it. Itachi wouldn’t care about any random clan, after all. 

 

“That scroll is classified –” as all information relating to the Uchiha is, “You don’t have authorisation.” 

“As a Clan Elder –” 

“I can revoke your authorisation,  _ Uchiha,”  _ Sasuke hisses, stepping closer into Itachi’s space, towering over him. Sasuke’s the Clan Head, now. He’s the last remaining member of the Uchiha clan who hasn’t turned traitor. He’s the nail in the Uchiha coffin. 

“Fine,” Itachi says, and that’s all he says. 

 

Sai smiles at Sasuke, one that Sasuke knows says Sai is laughing silently. 

 

“What are you looking for?” 

“Information about my mission,” Itachi says, lightly, like he isn’t talking about the time he slaughtered Sasuke’s family in cold blood. Everyone has tried to ask him to forgive Itachi, everyone he knows. It was Danzo’s fault (as everything bad in Konoha seems to be), but Danzo wasn’t his kill. 

 

Sasuke is a man who grew up feasting on the thought of revenge. Sasuke is a soldier, he is a vigilante, he is the son of traitors and the brother of traitors and an object of interest for traitors. Sasuke has never been the kind of man who forgives easily, he has never been the kind of person who knows how to cough up the pill of bitterness. 

 

“Planning on killing another clan?” Sasuke jabs, and if Itachi were less practiced at controlling himself than he is, he’d flinch. 

“I’m investigating when the plans of the coup started, and that starts with the Nidaime.” 

“Why does that matter? The Uchiha are dead, there isn’t  _ going  _ to be another coup.” 

“Not from the Uchiha, maybe,” Itachi replies, his gaze even, “There’s more than one clan in Konoha.”

“So what, you’re accusing the  _ Hyuuga  _ of planning a coup?”

“No, Sasuke,” and Itachi’s voice takes on that fucking annoying tone when he’s got something to say to Sasuke, and he’s going to preach it to him, “The Hokage wants reform in Konoha. He wants to improve clan-state relations, among other focuses. That’s the project I’ve been assigned.” 

“Huh,” Sasuke says, because he hasn’t heard of that before. He also had never been involved in the political side of things, but he’d never been that interested it anyway. Politics requires a level of subtlety that he’d never had, he’d never been interested in, and he’d never wanted. He hasn’t wanted power in a long time. 

 

“Yeah. The Hokage wants to put me on an advisory board, I think he wants to make me a counselor one day,” Itachi says, and it’s the answer to a question Sasuke hasn’t asked. Sasuke wonders why Itachi volunteered it to him, so easily. It must be pride, he realises, or maybe excitement. Maybe this is what having a brother, a friend, is like: someone to discuss things like your promotions with. Itachi’s trying to work towards that, and Sasuke hadn’t even thought of it. (Hadn’t even thought he could.) “I gotta catch up to my baby brother, huh. Head of the ANBU at eighteen.” 

 

_ I’m proud of you,  _ he doesn’t say, but Sasuke hears it anyway. The child in him inflates with joy. 

 

“I’m not actually the Director,” he replies, trying to sound more contained than he feels.    
Itachi looks shocked, but Sasuke supposes no one’s even really explained this to him, “Oh, then, who is?”

“I’m the acting Director, and Vice Director. The Director of ANBU is –” 

 

–

 

“Kurenai’s back!” Kiba nearly bowls Sasuke over with excitement, both Kiba and Akamaru licking his face in joy. Sasuke grins back at his boyfriend, kissing him in the middle of the Hokage’s pavilion, because his heart is swollen with love. 

“I know,” Sasuke smiles, because Sasuke was there to welcome her back into Konoha and was there at her initial debrief at 4am in the fucking morning. 

“I’m so fucking relieved, I mean, not like I doubted Kurenai-sensei’s skills or anything because she’s the fucking  _ best,  _ but it’s fucking good to know she’s back, you know?” 

“I know,” Sasuke says, because he loves listening to Kiba’s excitement. 

“We’re going to get dinner tonight, Hinata and Shino are coming too. Do you wanna come, as well?”

“Sure thing,” Sasuke agrees, and that pleases Kiba so much that Akamaru grins and bends down to nip at Sasuke’s ankles. “Get your stupid mutt off me, Kiba.” 

 

Kiba laughs, his laugh like the gruff whoofs Akamaru’s laughing behind him. 

“That’s an order,” Sasuke repeats, and Kiba stops in front of Sasuke and grabs his face, kissing him. 

“Sure thing, boss,” Kiba smirks, and Sasuke rolls his eyes and kisses Kiba back. 

“Get back to work, stop slacking off on the job.” 

 

Kiba salutes Sasuke sarcastically, and leaps away, Akamaru on his heels. That’s when Sasuke notices Naruto and Itachi watching him. Should he go over and say something? Should he ignore them? 

 

Shikamaru strolls up to Sasuke, silently offering him an already lit cigarette, and follows his line of sight. “Oh, this is troublesome.”

“Thanks, Nara,” Sasuke bites back, rolling his eyes. He doesn’t meet Shikamaru so he can gossip about his social life, rather, because Nara is one of the only fucks in this whole place who will leave him alone. 

“You gonna deal with that?”

“No.” 

“I’m gonna hear all about this from Ino, won’t I?”

“Probably.”

“She and Sakura are obsessed with Naruto’s love life. Apparently he’s been obsessed with you forever.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Apparently he’s going to break up with Neji.”

“There goes my reprieve from monologues about how sweet pussy is. Straight men wear me out.”

“I’m straight.”

“Not for wont of trying.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Dude – ” 

“Just fucking ignore me.”

 

Shikamaru sighs, ashing on Sasuke’s exposed toes to just be a dick. “What did you think of Kurenai’s report?”

“You’re the strategist, I don’t know what we should do politically in Ame or whatever.”

“Konan and Nagato have apparently publically established Ame as the new seat of the Uzumaki clan. Apparently they’re scouting for seals masters and any living descendents of the clan.”

“I  _ was  _ at that meeting, Nara.”

“Yes. So maybe you were right.”

“What do you mean?” Sasuke says, turning back to Shikamaru with more interest. 

“Naruto’s an Uzumaki, Tsunade’s grandmother was an Uzumaki as well. Jiraiya’s a seals master, Sakura and Itachi are clearly devoted to Naruto and his cause. Jiraiya was Konan and Nagato’s teacher, as well. It wouldn’t be implausible that you  _ were  _ right: they didn’t come back to Konoha with pure intentions.”

“That’s a dangerous insinuation, Shikamaru,” Sasuke says carefully, not sure how to respond to him. 

“Just think about it,” Shikamaru is flippant, like he isn’t discussing treason. He jerks his chin and gestures with his cigarette towards where Itachi and Naruto are eating lunch, “Do you think they fucked?”

 

Sasuke tosses his cigarette to the ground and stamps it out, not deigning to respond to Shikamaru. Shikamaru doesn’t stop him.

 

–

 

Mirai is on Kurenai’s hip, grasping at her mother’s hair as Hinata helps her to prepare the dinner. The little girl is soft and bouncy, nearly two years old and full of joy. She’s so adorable, and Sasuke knows that Kurenai missed her in her time away. There’s only so much time one can spend with uncle Shikamaru before one is infected with his chronic laziness, and Sasuke hopes Mirai is more like her mother and father than her uncle. 

 

“She grows up so fast, each time I leave I wonder if I’m going to miss all her important moments,” Kurenai muses, and Sasuke gives her a sad smile. 

“I think she’ll understand. You’re alive and you’re fighting for her, and that’s what counts,” Hinata replies, leaning over to coo at the baby. 

“Shikamaru takes a lot of pictures. Maybe he can show  _ you  _ instead of me,” Sasuke grumbles, and Kurenai holds Mirai up to his face. 

 

“Wuncle Sasuke wuvs me, isn’t that wight wuncle Sasuke?” Kurenai says in a baby voice from behind Mirai’s head, letting Mirai grab at Sasuke’s hair instead. The baby coos. Sasuke rolls his eyes.    
“Utilise your cuteness as a shinobi skill, then we’ll talk,” he tells the baby solemnly, and then takes her from Kurenai. 

 

Mirai’s just old enough that Kurenai isn’t afraid she’ll be grievously injured if dropped, which means she trusts Sasuke and his one arm to hold onto her. Even so, he helps Mirai onto his shoulders and bounces her gently, so Hinata and Kurenai can finish preparing their meal. 

 

“You’re good with her, Sasuke,” Kurenai says, and Hinata gains a gleam in her eyes that says she’s been thinking about whatever they’re about to bring up as well. “You thinking about having your own children?”   
Sasuke knows he hasn’t been a child for a very long time, but sometimes he feels like he still is one. “I’m eighteen, Kurenai, I’m barely an adult.” 

“Not now,” she laughs, “But in the future. I know  _ Kiba’s  _ always wanted a large brood.”

 

Sasuke flushes, not sure how to deal with this line of invasive questioning, so he stays silent, hoping they’ll stop there. They don’t.

“You’ve been with Kiba for, what? Three years, now,” Hinata says slowly, smiling angelically at him. Bitch. 

“We’ve been fucking for three years, more like,” he grumbles, and Kurenai shoots him a look. “We’ve been in carnal relations for three years,” he corrects himself, but Kurenai doesn’t say anything more. 

“He’s in love with you, Sasuke,” Hinata says in the blunt way she’s grown into. It suits her.

“So?” he says, because he hates talking about his feelings,  _ especially  _ with girls and not his emotionally stunted ANBU squad.

“ _ So _ , you’re in love with him too. Don’t try to deny it, we all know,” Hinata says, and he grumbles for posterity anyway, “You should get engaged.”

“I’m  _ sorry?”  _

“You heard exactly what I said, don’t try to hide it. Why do you think he and Akamaru lick you all the time?”

 

Hinata sighs, leaving him as a lost cause, and turns away, continuing to set the table for Shino and Kiba. 

“Think about it, okay, Sasuke?” Kurenai says, before she’s interrupted by Shino and Kiba. 

“Think about what?” Kiba asks, taking off his coat and tossing it in the corner.

“Just some official stuff, above your pay grade,” Sasuke lies easily, and Kurenai gives him an unreadable look. 

“Mirai’s above our pay grade?” Shino asks as he takes the child from Sasuke’s shoulders and rocks her gently. 

“She’s probably got more clout than you two have combined, since she’s technically the Sarutobi clan head,” Kurenai says, well. She’s not wrong. 

 

“Sit down, all of you,” Hinata says, “the fish will get cold.”

 

–

 

Danzo institutes stricter controls on classified information, placing his most trusted and brainwashed Root operatives in information banks and not letting anyone access any document they weren’t authorised to read. 

 

After Danzo died, and Kakashi gave Sasuke access to all of the Uchiha-related files, he wished he didn’t learn it. He wished it wasn’t his to know anymore, because it would be easier that way. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, and Sasuke wasn’t sure how to live with himself anymore. 

 

Was it his fault, for not seeing underneath the underneath? The need for vengeance had festered and become infected in his heart, and Sasuke was never a man who could relax and let things go. 

 

Forgiveness wasn’t a value taught by the Uchiha, it wasn’t a value taught by Danzo or Kakashi. Forgiveness wasn’t something Sasuke knew how to do. 

 

Sasuke goes on, living behind Kakashi, and not for the first time he wonders if he should’ve done something different.

 

–

 

“I was brainwashed,” Sasuke says, when they’re lying in bed, inches apart because of the summer heat, in the afterglow of their orgasm. 

Kiba’s got his eyes closed, his mouth in a small, fang-y smile, wallowing in the tail-ends of his bliss, so he just makes a noise of affirmation. 

“Root got me even before the academy. A lot of people don’t know that.”

“Hm?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke says, because he’s bad at talking about his feelings always, and it always comes out stuttered and stunted. 

“I grew up with the – the seal on me.” 

 

Silence. Sasuke doesn’t say anything. 

 

“And?” Kiba prompts. 

“So, I’m fucked up.”

“So’s Neji, Sasuke.” 

“What?” 

“He also grew up with a seal on him. He’s still got it. You think he’s fucked up?”

Sasuke huffs, “Probably.”   
“Probably. You think he’s undeserving of love because of that?”

Sasuke’s silent. 

“You’re the dumbest genius I’ve ever fucking known, Uchiha,” Kiba laughs and opens his eyes, gently shoving Sasuke over. “I love you.”

 

Sasuke stares, but Kiba isn’t dissuaded.    
“This is where you say you love me too, dumbass.”   
“I…” Sasuke tries, and meets Kiba’s expectant gaze, “I love you too.” 

“See? It wasn’t that hard.”

“I love you, Kiba Inuzuka,” Sasuke says again, surprised with how easily they come out.

 

Kiba laughs again, a full bodied laugh that he’s so known for, that comes so easily to him. It’s one of the things about Kiba that Sasuke loves, how easy it is for him to smile, to laugh, to find happiness. 

 

“Kiba…” 

“Yeah? Stop it with the self-depreciating shit, I’m not with you for your clear self-hatred and inferiority complex.”

“Why, then?”

“Obviously, your fantastic handjobs. And the thrill of fucking my boss.” 

 

Thank  _ fuck,  _ Kiba’s so good at putting Sasuke back on an even keel, his easy jokes changing the subject to make Sasuke feel better. 

 

“Oh, well in that case, I don’t know if I should give you this,” Sasuke holds out a round of beads to Kiba, pretending like it’s nothing. 

Kiba takes it and looks at it. “Oh?”   
“It was my father’s, before – before he died. His prayer beads. Apparently they were, were Madara Uchiha’s father’s, the legend went. I don’t know if it’s true.” 

“Really special, then,” Kiba comments, counting the small wooden beads that made up the set. 

“To my family: yeah.” 

“Why are you giving them to me?” Kiba asks, looking back at Sasuke with wondering eyes. 

“I- I wanted you to have them, you know? I thought you’d like them, at least. And, I was hoping…”

“Hoping for what?”

“That maybe they could be a, a promise. For some day in the future. When we get married… you could wear them.” 

 

Kiba’s face breaks into a wide smile and he leans down and kisses Sasuke hard. “Fuck, of course. I love you, I love you.”

“Yeah?” 

“Tsume’s gonna make you get Inuzuka markings, you know that, right?”

 

Sasuke laughs. “Maybe I’ll be Sasuke Inuzuka, instead.” 

Kiba pulls back, searching his face for something. “We just fucked, but that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking heard, Sasuke.”

 

–

 

Sure, Sasuke had noticed it before, he just hadn’t really thought about it in too much depth. He would be a shit ANBU if he couldn’t tell when people were following him. However, now with Shikamaru’s seed of doubt planted in his mind, he couldn’t help but focus on the way that Naruto and Itachi follow him around whenever they’re able. 

 

“What the fuck do you want, Uzumaki?” Sasuke finally snaps, cornering Naruto in a secluded courtyard of the compound. 

“Wh-” Naruto stammers, breaking out of his meditative state and nearly falling off the tree he was concentrating on. “What are you talking about?”

 

Naruto’s eyes open, the yellow look of his sage mode transformation staring back at Sasuke. It’s kind of eerie, just the sheer amount of power he can feel emanating from Naruto, and the way Naruto treats it like it’s nothing, like he forgot it was even in him. If Sasuke had to face Naruto alone again, he wasn’t sure if it was something he could do. (He’s worried he’d have to.)

 

“Why are you following me around? Cut that shit out.”

“I’m not following you,” Naruto protests, and Sasuke has to fight the urge to take a swing. 

“You think I didn’t notice you outside Kurenai’s house? We’re all fucking  _ spies,  _ Naruto, we’re not fucking dumb.”

“I didn’t think –”

“Sure. You didn’t think. You don’t think. You never fucking think, you just go and do what’s best and everyone’s got to live with your choices, huh?”

 

Naruto goes silent, gritting his teeth and silently getting down from the tree. He starts to walk away, but Sasuke reaches over and grabs him by the arm, pulling him back to face him.    
“You gonna walk away like a pussy or face me like a  _ man,  _ Naruto?” 

“You’re upset and drunk, Sasuke, I’m not going to talk to you right now.” 

“No, you’re gonna talk about this  _ now,  _ because I don’t fucking trust you,” Sasuke nearly shouts back at him, incensed.    
“I know you don’t trust me,” Naruto replies, and Sasuke hates how fucking  _ calm  _ he is. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Sasuke, I’m not going to –”

“No,  _ fuck you.  _ Fucking fight me like a man, not a dumb bitch you’re acting like now. Sakura turned you into a fucking pussy –”

 

“Shut up,” Naruto growls, and pulls away from Sasuke’s grip, “Don’t say that about her.”

“What, that it’s true? That you’re a bitch of a deserter who hangs out with other little bitches?”

“Shut  _ up,  _ Sasuke, I’m not getting into this right now.”

“What, you can’t deal with the fact that the man you’re in love with is engaged? You’re going to pussy out on me  _ now?”  _ It’s one of the meaner things Sasuke’s ever said to him, and he’s not sure why he’s even bringing it up. “You’re not in love with me, you’re in love with some sort of sick idea of me, and it’s fucked up. Leave me the fuck  _ alone,  _ Naruto!” 

 

Naruto reaches out and punches Sasuke across the face, breaking his nose as easily as one would a twig. Blood starts gushing down Sasuke’s chin, as Sasuke just stares at him. 

“I told you to  _ leave me alone! _ ” Naruto shouts, using Sasuke's own words against him.

“What, you gonna leave again? Can’t take the heat, can you –” 

 

Sasuke’s cut off by Naruto pushing him away, harder, slamming Sasuke’s back into a nearby tree. Sasuke stumbles back from the tree, holding his hand to his nose to stop the gushing.    
“I don’t fucking  _ love  _ you –”    
“Yeah? Why are you fucking Sai and pretending he’s me, then, huh? You think I don’t  _ know?  _ We’re  _ laughing  _ at you, you’re fucking  _ hilarious.  _ Can’t even fucking man up and come onto me yourself, so you fuck all my friends and my brother in order to sink into this little fantasy dream world of yours.” 

“Shut the fuck  _ up!”  _

 

Naruto takes another swing at Sasuke, but Sasuke blocks it, moving in close to knee him in the balls and grab his shoulder. As Naruto bends over, Sasuke knees him in the face as well, breaking his nose as easily as Sasuke’s was, before jumping back. 

 

“You fucking  _ asshole!”  _ Naruto shouts, rushing into get another swing at Sasuke, but Sasuke’s practiced at dodging, especially since he started wielding a sword and lost his arm, and Naruto’s fist goes careening into the tree. 

 

Sasuke jumps behind him, kicking him over until he’s face first in the dirt and then he draws his sword, pressing it against the nape of Naruto’s neck. 

 

“Stop  _ fucking  _ following me.”

 

–

 

He shunshins back to the hospital, blood still gushing from his face. He’s holding his shirt to his nose, trying to stop the flow of blood, but all that does is make him shirtless and covered in blood in the civilian ward of the hospital.

 

The nurses have to usher him to shinobi ward without causing alarm, one of them even throwing a hospital gown backwards over his shoulders to try and hide his public indecency and extremely large wolf back tattoo.

 

Civilians hate that shit. 

 

“Sasuke!” Sakura exclaims when she sees him, frowning at all the blood that’s covering his body. “What happened? No wait, don’t talk, just sit down. This is going to hurt a bit.”

 

She sits him down on a chair, and hands him a towel. “Blow.” He listens to her, hissing as the blood and snot runs out of his nose in a painful manner. She takes the towel from him and gently moves his nose into place as he grits his teeth, letting her medical chakra heal the wound and help his nose get back to normal.

 

When she’s done, she hands him a wet cloth to wipe the blood off his face, pointing him to the mirror in the corner of the examination room. 

“What happened?”

 

Sasuke sighs, not wanting to engage in the ensuing fight he  _ knows  _ will happen if he tells her. “I fell over.”

“You fell over and broke your nose to the side?”

“I’m drunk.”

“You’re  _ ANBU. _ ”

“You’re right. It’s classified.”

“Do I have to ask Kiba about this? You’re just like Naruto, so fucking impossible sometimes.”   
  


Sasuke stiffens at the comparison, not really wanting to believe he was in  _ any  _ way like Naruto, but he didn’t want to accidentally spill the details of their fight. His nose would probably end up broken again. 

 

“You’re in cahoots with Kiba?”   
She rolls her eyes at him, handing him another shirt. “You think I’m in cahoots with everyone in town or something, Sasuke. We’re  _ friends.  _ We  _ talk.  _ Like normal people.”

Sasuke snorts. “He’s such a fucking girl.”

Sakura just grins toothily back at him, raising an eyebrow, “Say that to Tsume. I fucking dare you.” 

 

Sasuke shakes his head, and that makes Sakura laugh. “Yeah. I thought so.” 

 

–

 

“You know, Uchiha, I would prefer it if you didn’t try to beat my boyfriend into a pulp,” Neji says, and Sasuke would be damned if everyone in the entire  _ building  _ didn’t stop what they were doing to listen in. He was pretty sure he saw Hanabi activate her Byakugan to try and read their lips better. 

 

Sasuke could see from the twitch of Kiba’s lips that he was  _ definitely  _ listening, and Sasuke cursed Kiba’s good hearing sometimes. 

 

“Really, Hyuuga? Is this the best possible time you could have picked for this?”

“I heard he broke your nose.”

“I let him.”

“Sure, Uchiha.”   
“Is that all?” 

 

Neji sighed and walked away without excusing himself, Akamaru and then Kiba following him to the door. 

“Well, boss?” Kiba calls down the room, drawing the attention of everyone in the offices at the same time, “Are you coming to lunch with us or pussying out?”

 

Sasuke tries not to run after them, to get the rest of his team’s eyes off of him. (The instincts of a spy are ingrained, after all. Too many eyes on him will always make him jumpy.) 

 

Once they’re at the barbecue restaurant that Akamaru likes, because it’s Kiba’s turn to pick, Neji asks him again. 

 

“Seriously, Uchiha? How is picking a fight meant to change anything?”    
“I don’t know, I wasn’t really thinking straight,” Sasuke says truthfully, because Neji’s been with him through a lot and he owes him that much. 

“Have you ever thought straight?” Kiba snarks back at him, and Akamaru whuffs in agreement. 

 

Sasuke’s getting bullied by a  _ dog.  _

 

“He was following me around, okay? With Itachi. It’s creeping me the fuck out, especially when he’s like, watching me and Kiba  _ fuck  _ through the curtains!”

“Actually, Akamaru says that as soon as it gets hot and heavy he makes himself scares.”    
“Sorry, you’re right. He’s a non-sexual voyeur, that makes it  _ so  _ much better.” 

 

“You know he’s in love with you, right?” Kiba says it like it’s  _ nothing,  _ like it’s a fact of nature. Both Neji and Sasuke stare at him. “What? You thought I didn’t know? Ha! Once I nearly like, walked in on him jerking it to your face. It was super awkward.”

“I…” Sasuke says slowly, turning this new piece of information over in his brain, “Don’t know how I feel about this.”

“Really? You didn’t  _ know?  _ You’re so fucking dense sometimes, babe.”

“Thanks, Kiba.” 

 

“We didn’t think you knew, Kiba. We didn’t mean –” Neji says, but Kiba’s laughing too hard to respond well.” 

“ _ Naruto  _ does not have a subtle bone in his  _ body.  _ Of course I knew.”

 

“Oh,” Sasuke says. 

“It is strange how you were the one to pick the fight, Sasuke,” Neji says, because he’s an asshole, “You’d think it would be Naruto and Kiba fighting over your affections.”

“Both of you should stop talking about my sex life right now before I fire you.”

“What about if I want to fu–” Kiba tries, but Sasuke cuts him off. 

“You finish that sentence and we’re done, Inuzuka. Order the fucking barbecue.” 

  
Kiba signs  _ the boss is an asshole  _ to Neji, and then  _ but I like his asshole,  _ and Sasuke magnanimously pretends he doesn’t see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @toadsages!


	4. romeo; you look so fucking stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sasuke, I did it to save you, please believe me –” Itachi protests, but Naruto knows better than most that once Sasuke sets his mind on something, no amount of arguing can convince him otherwise.  
> “I believe you,” Sasuke says, and he sounds like maybe he’s smiling – Naruto’s confused, “I believe you. But you saving me was fucking selfish. If you’d really loved me you would have killed me that day as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is so slow! My laptop broke so I've had to write this chapter on my phone which is pretty hard when you're dealing with ~6k!!! :') Life has been pretty busy so I hope you enjoy this chapter & thank you for all the kind comments. Some of y'all are leaving straight up essays and it really makes my day even when I can't reply to them. I treasure y'all and thank you for continuing to read this :D
> 
> Chapter title is from Local God by Everclear, which is one of my favourite songs ever.

Sasuke presses kisses to his collarbones, his thin fingers sliding against Naruto’s ribs, sweat slick and salt-tacky. His height makes the movement awkward, the extra couple inches just more space that Sasuke has to bend over to meet Naruto’s chest. He sits up, adjusting his position on Naruto’s cock as he kisses up and up Naruto’s neck, the chapped skin of his lips making sweet friction against the ticklish patch of skin on Naruto’s throat.

Naruto feels small, underneath Sasuke who seems to know everything: every movement he makes is completed as it is planned. Sasuke is sensual, a solid wall of pale abs and flawless skin. Sasuke is riding Naruto’s cock like he loves it, like he can do nothing else, and then Sasuke leans down and kisses Naruto.

He tastes like clear vegetable broth and he smells like fresh grass and sea salt. He kisses like Naruto gives him breath and he doesn’t say it, but Naruto can taste it on Sasuke’s lips. I love you, Sasuke says, I missed you.

–

“You don’t get it, do you?” Naruto can hear Sasuke hissing, his anger carrying through the flimsy door between Naruto’s room and the hallway, “You’re a selfish bastard, even more than me.”  
“Sasuke, I did it to save you, please believe me –” Itachi protests, but Naruto knows better than most that once Sasuke sets his mind on something, no amount of arguing can convince him otherwise.  
“I believe you,” Sasuke says, and he sounds like maybe he’s smiling – Naruto’s confused, “I believe you. But you saving me was fucking selfish. If you’d really loved me you would have killed me that day as well.”  
“Sasuke –”  
“Would you just shut the fuck up and listen, for once?” Sasuke snaps, and his voice has gotten closer. Naruto hears a thump that’s probably Sasuke cornering Itachi against the wall, “I’ve had years of failing psych exams, of hating you, of dreaming about your genjutsu alone in this forsaken compound, of wishing I were fucking dead – you can’t genuinely expect me to be thankful? To be grateful? For what, Itachi? For what?”

Naruto doesn’t hear Itachi say anything, it’s just silence for one awful moment, and then Sasuke says something so low that Naruto can’t hear it. He hears Sasuke walking away, and then nothing again. Such awful, godless nothing.

Ten minutes go by, and then Itachi walks slowly into their shared room, looking like he’s been crying. He looks like he’s a ghost, like a bag once full that’s just had its contents tipped out mercilessly on the floor. His cry is silent, and like always, Itachi’s face contorts into a soundless sob as tears run down his cheeks, and Naruto is immediately by his side.

He comforts Itachi, arms holding him tightly and upright, letting Itachi lean on him with his full weight. “I know,” he mumbles into Itachi’s ear, slowly rubbing his back, “I know.”  
“He wants to die,” Itachi chokes out, his hacking breaths breaking up the words until they’re nearly unintelligible, “my baby brother wants to die.”

Naruto doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t have the words that would comfort Itachi, he doesn’t have anything he could possibly say that would make this situation better. There’s nothing to say: they both failed him, and Sasuke’s made it extremely clear that there’s nothing they can do to make up for it.

–

Naruto’s new hobby has become praying. His prostrations have morphed from occasionally to weekly to daily, now bordering on twice a day, before and after his easy missions. He’s started a roster of small solo missions, C-ranks that he could do in his sleep, and he always takes the long way towards his destination so he can stop at temples and monasteries, anywhere with a vague spiritual presence. (Either he’s managed to scrape together enough trust that he’s not a flight risk, or either Sasuke just really wants him out of the village. Everyone knows Kakashi would do whatever Sasuke asks: Sasuke’s always been his favourite.)

The temple is the only place he can relax, where he can be himself; undisturbed. If people recognise him, they don’t say anything, because everyone with an ounce of respect in their body knows that the temples are a space of amnesty. Most shinobi would rather kill themselves than ambush their targets on holy land, lest they anger their ancestors and ruin their reincarnations.

Naruto can appreciate that. He’s never been deeply spiritual, but literally meeting the Sage and being told he was the reincarnation of Asura had a profound effect on the way he viewed himself.

Was this the last time he’d be reincarnated? Is he going to a different place when he dies, or will he again be reincarnated alongside Indra – Sasuke – to fight again? Or will they be friends from the beginning this time?

Naruto kneels in front of the image of the Sage, the man’s Rinnegan eyes much kinder than Sasuke’s, and touches his forehead to the floor. The burning incense smoke fills the small temple room of worship with a spiced haze, a deep dirt scent common to temples on the border between Fire and Earth. It keeps the mosquitoes away in the height of summer, Naruto knows. The summer heat is quickly fading, and there aren’t many bugs around anymore.

He feels like his life should be over now. Everything he had worked towards, for his entire life, had ended in climax. Whenever he’d imagined the ending he’d thought of some vague storybook fantasy, where he gets the guy and they walk off into the sunset. The reality is jarring in its simplicity, a reality that is so obvious yet managed to completely blindside him. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard after all was said and done.

Naruto drags his body off the floor and makes eye contact with the small portrait of his father in the corner of the room, then faces back at the overpowering statue of the Sage. His eyes in this rendition seem alive, cutting straight into the anxiety residing in Naruto’s gut and judging him for it. How dare Naruto be so reprehensible in front of the Sage’s sacred presence? How dare Naruto get on his knees and beg when he is the saviour of the ninja world? Naruto presses his forehead back down to the cool floor.

He breathes, just focuses on his breathing, on his gift of wind and the art of being alive. Senjutsu used to come so easily to him, but now his thoughts race too fast for him to truly become one with nature. Isn’t it sad, what he has become? All this over a boy. All this because he can’t get himself together enough to work through his feelings. All this because he can’t let him go.

Naruto knows what he should do, but the choice is bitter in his mouth. It feels like he’s losing, like he’s already lost, and Naruto fucking hates losing. (In the end, hasn’t he already lost? He’s lost Sasuke and it’s about time he comes to terms with it.)

-

“You’re thinking that this is a bad idea again, aren’t you, Naruto?”  
“No,” he lies ineffectually, “I was… not thinking about that.”  
“Naruto,” Neji whispers, his face closing in on Naruto’s as he kisses him, “You beautiful, beautiful fool.”  
“Should I feel offended?”  
“Let’s just say the gods clearly traded intellectual capacity for pure sexual prowess.”  
“I’m very conflicted.”  
“I’m going to suck your dick now, you can decide on whether or not to be offended.”  
“Seriously?” Naruto rubs his eyes but doesn’t move to stop Neji from sliding down his body, kneeling in between Naruto’s spread legs and pressing kisses to Naruto’s right hipbone. “You know, Sasuke says you’re straight.”  
“For everyone but you, babe,” Neji says, but he’s obviously distracted by undoing Naruto’s pants and getting them down his legs.  
“Okay,” Naruto says, because he doesn’t know what else to say to Neji.

Naruto cums before he stops Neji, his hands letting go of Neji’s hair and pulling away. Neji’s a nice person, intrinsically, Naruto knows this. He also knows that’s why Neji doesn’t obviously roll his eyes.  
“He’s in your head.”

Neji says it like it’s a statement, like maybe he has to deal with people double guessing themselves over Sasuke Uchiha regularly. Naruto thinks it’s kind of sad that he’s not even that special, that Sasuke has fucked over others just as much as he’s fucking Naruto up. Naruto isn’t even worth enough of Sasuke’s time that Sasuke’s putting special effort into being a douchebag. This is just who Sasuke is.

“Look, Neji –”  
“No.”  
“What?”  
“I said no. He’s a jerkwad, Naruto. You know this, you know he’s just trying to hurt you because he never learned how to process his emotions in a healthy manner and lashing out is the only way he knows how to do it. Why are you letting him hurt you like this?”  
“Aren’t you supposed to be his friend?” Naruto asks, and it’s meant to be a joke, but the hurt way he says it doesn’t come out so funny.

Neji sighs and stands up, rubbing his hand across his face. “He’s a teenager, Naruto. It’s hard to remember sometimes, because all of us have been forced to grow up so fast, but he’s a teenager. He’s young, with an immense amount of responsibility and trauma, and that fucks someone up. You know how it is, when you’re a teenager and it feels like every day the world is going to end?”  
“When I was a teenager, the world was going to end.”  
“Stick with me, okay? Look. He’s got a good heart. He really believes in doing the right thing, but he’s just bad at going around it. He’s bad at apologising and also being honest about his feelings. He probably doesn’t know how he feels about you. He spent his entire childhood obsessing over how to get you back, but now you’re back he feels directionless. That’s why he’s being a dick to you. It’s not your fault.”  
“I know,” Naruto whispers, his voice soft and empty. He doesn’t mean it.  
“You don’t know, Naruto, that’s your fucking problem.”

It hits Naruto like a slap to the face, because Neji doesn’t swear, not even when they’re having sex. Neji just doesn’t, but now he is, and being surprised at the crassness is probably hypocritical but Naruto isn’t even thinking about that right now. Neji’s angry at him, and Naruto doesn’t know how to deal with that from Neji, and he’s freaking out.

He’s crying before he really realises it, his eyelashes clumping together and sticking with the salty-wet tears making their way down his face. Fuck. He scrubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand, trying to drive the tears back inside and blink them away. It doesn’t really work, and the weakness infuriates him. How come something so fucking stupid, so small, affect him so much?

“I’m sorry, Naruto, but it’s true,” Neji reaches out and touches Naruto’s arm, trying to comfort him, but it’s too little, too reserved. They stand in silence, the lack of sound only broken by Naruto’s muffled sobbing. “I’m sorry.”  
“No,” Naruto replies, still choking on his breaths as they catch in his throat, “No, you’re right. You’re right.”  
“You just… need to give him a little space, okay?”  
“You’re right, yeah,” he repeats, the words a filler for what he really needs to say, “I don’t really know how to deal with him, do I?”  
Neji winces, but he doesn’t refute it.  
“I’ve probably royally cocked this up, haven’t I?”  
“Maybe a little bit,” Neji says, but he tries to cover it up by saying, “It’s not unsalvageable, you know. He still cares about you, deep down. He just doesn’t know how to show it.”  
“It’s a pretty crappy way of showing it.”  
“Oh,” Neji says, in the haughty and self righteous tone he reserves exclusively for complaining about Sasuke, “Trust me. I know.”

–

“So. War’s over,” Karin says, like it’s simple and easy and just a fact of life.  
“Wow, no shit,” Suigetsu laughs, dancing outside of the reach of her slap and cackling to himself. (To himself, without drawing attention from the others, Juugo rolls his eyes.)

They’re walking, away from the damage and destruction that has followed Naruto all his life, and just taking a breath. They just need to walk away, just for a moment, and regroup. To take a breather. It’s just their close-knit group of eight that he’s relied on for so long, the only seven people in the world that he would trust with his life, and they’re the only people he honestly wants to even see at the moment.

“Yeah,” Naruto agrees, and there’s not the same level of levity in his voice.  
“Orochimaru’s fucking dead,” Karin says, and maybe she’s just in the mood to state facts.  
“Water is wet,” Suigetsu replies, and has to melt into a puddle to avoid Karin’s brutal punch.  
“What are you going to do?” Karin asks, and that’s the question she really wanted to lead with.  
“Go back to Konoha, I guess,” Naruto shrugs, because he’s never really thought he’d get to the point. Now that he is, he feels oppressively free.  
“I am not following you to that breeding-ground of freaks,” Suigetsu announces, hands on his hips as he stands his ground.  
“Wasn’t… expecting you to,” Naruto tries, not sure what his friends are trying to get out here.  
“You’re one to talk,” Karin huffs, and this time her fist connects with Suigetsu’s nose.

“Thank you, Karin,” Juugo says, “Now we’re going to have to listen to him whine for the next hour’s journey.”  
“Don’t be a pussy,” Karin tells the both of them, and then turns back to Naruto, “He is right, though. We’re not going to Konoha.”  
“I really didn’t think you were,” Naruto says, trying to make her understand he means it.  
“Konan and Nagato are going to restore Uzushio.”  
“What?” Naruto says, because he’s never heard of this before.  
“Uzushio, the spiritual homeland of the Uzumaki –”  
“I know what Uzushio is, and I also know it was razed to the ground. They can’t just, bring it back, that’s just crazy!”  
“There are tons of Uzumaki around, Naruto, it’s not just you and me. Others can come too, everyone who has been done wrong by the five nations. You should come with us, Naruto, we’re going on an expedition to the ruins of the land to try and salvage what’s left. We’re gonna take everything still intact back to Ame, and Uzushio will rise once again.”  
“That’s crazy, Karin, it can’t just… come back!”  
“Why not?”  
“What?”  
“Why can’t it? There’s no reason for why it can’t, there are enough people disillusioned by this new alliance between the five nations – we need a stronghold of power that can stand up to them. Uzushio has that power, both spiritually and historically. People will come.”  
“I. I don’t know.”  
“Good thing that you don’t have any control in their decision, then.”  
“I guess.”

They walk in silence for another twenty minutes, when Naruto speaks again, “Why are you telling me this?”  
“You deserve to know, as an Uzumaki,” Karin says, and he can appreciate her honesty, “and I want you to know that you don’t have to go back there.”

  
–

“Sasuke’s probably going to be the next Hokage,” Shikamaru opens the conversation with that bomb of a fact, because it seems like Sasuke and all of Sasuke’s friends are vying for the prize of least able to interact with other people. They’re gonna drive Naruto to an early death, and it’s only that he knows the two best healers ever that Naruto’s heart hasn’t given out yet.

Naruto chokes on his rice, and Shikamaru has to slap his back with a placid smile of absent amusement on his face.

When half of Naruto’s lunch is on the garden grass, but he’s in no more danger of asphyxiation, he replies. “Um, okay. What does this have to do with me?” Shikamaru is no friend of Naruto’s, not since they were children, and Shikamaru is the kind of man who holds a grudge.  
“How do you feel about that?” Shikamaru asks, his tone not matching the invasively personal nature of the question.  
“Uh, good for him, I guess?”  
“Is that all?”  
Naruto, speechless, nods.  
“Really? You don’t feel bitter? Wasn’t it you who wanted to become hokage?”  
“Um,” Naruto says, because what is he going to say? He doesn’t know how to express the shame he feels for longing for his childhood dream without sounding bitter. He should be supporting his friend, supporting what is best for his childhood village.  
“I see,” Shikamaru says, giving Naruto an uncomfortably long glare, and then leaving without another word.

Naruto doesn’t know what to make of it, so he doesn’t. He tucks the conversation in a corner of his mind with all the other uncomfortable realities he doesn’t want to deal with, and pretends like it never happened at all.

–

“Why the long face?” Itachi finishes his joke, and the girls at the table laugh even though it isn’t funny at all. Itachi’s definitely going to hook up tonight, it’s just a decision of whether he’s feeling like blonde or brunette. Naruto will get his leftovers, most likely, because Naruto isn’t feeling it enough to properly flirt.

Itachi takes small sips from his beer, and Naruto pretends his juice is alcoholic. Both of them are sober, but they pretend they aren’t. The smiles and open postures are enough in small towns like these. When women are desperate, from lack of choice, handsome strangers are alluring enough for a good night.

Naruto graduated from the Jiraiya school of hook-ups. One night stands are very easy. He could do them in his sleep.

“Hey,” he turns to the girl beside him, and he doesn’t know her name. She has mousy brown hair and a plain face, wholly unremarkable. The only thing that draws him to her is her dark eyes, but even they don’t hold the fire Naruto wishes he saw in them.  
“Yeah?” she asks.  
“I think I’ve had a little bit much to drink. Would you mind showing me to my room?”

She smiles, both embarrassed and excited. Not a virgin, Naruto would say, but probably not very experienced. He knows just the type.

Naruto stands up, pretends to wobble, and lets her cop a feel of his ass.

–

Kakashi meets him semi-regularly at the renovated Ichiraku’s, always buying Naruto a bowl and always having snuck out of the office with a shadow clone decoy. Often, they’ll eat in silence, the both of them not well versed enough in their own emotions to properly repair their relationship.

Kakashi offers him sake, Naruto refuses, but he sees it for what it is. A peace offering, a shared drink to patch the holes in their tattered relationship. It’s like tape on a gaping wound, but Kakashi is trying. That’s much more than Naruto can say about other people.

Kakashi drinks a lot, like most others in Konoha that Naruto knows. Sasuke’s an extreme, of course, but even Naruto’s other friends drink more than others Naruto knew from outside. Perhaps it’s just the culture of Konoha, just that everyone does it and so everyone else does it. Naruto hopes there isn’t something more sinister behind it.

Usually, Naruto says more to the old man than he does to Kakashi, but this time Kakashi seems hell-bent on trying to start a conversation. He just doesn’t seem to understand what he wants to ask.

“How was your day?” Naruto tries in between bites, throwing Kakashi a line and hoping he’ll bite.  
Kakashi just coughs and shrugs, putting down his sake cup long enough to rub at his temples, “I have the worst job in the world.”

Naruto doesn’t know how to respond, so he just… doesn’t. Kakashi doesn’t even realise, probably, the way he’s crushing Naruto’s dreams slowly, chipping away at them like a wave against a cliff.

“It’s a fucking jungle out there, everyone just wants a piece of me, a piece of Konoha, and they’ll do anything to get it. The Daimyo’s breathing down my fucking back and if I don’t sort this out, it seems like we’re going to end up in another war.”  
“I’m sorry?”  
“New Uzushio apparently is going to start something soon, or so they’re threatening. They don’t want to be pushed down by the larger nations, and it’s implied they’re going to create a coalition of smaller nations in order to pressure us.”  
“That doesn't sound so good.”  
“No shit,” Kakashi spits onto the ground beside them, and scratches underneath his eye.

“You ever get sick of being hokage, give me a call,” Naruto jokes, and it takes Kakashi a second to get the joke before he's laughing through his mask, hand clapped over his face in effort to stop looking like a fool. (It doesn't work).  
“Fuck… yeah, fuck. That takes me back, kid,” Kakashi wheezes, his other hand clasped around Naruto's arm, where prosthetic meets scar tissue, “Still wanna be hokage? After all of this shit? It's kind of a cursed role, isn't it?”  
“Are you saying your job is cursed?”  
“Have you seen the amount of paperwork I have to do? Of fucking course it is.”  
Naruto laughs because Kakashi’s never made a joke to him before, not in this context. It’s a shitty joke, but it’s special, because Kakashi’s trying, even if he so obviously doesn’t know how to react to the adult Naruto is now.

“What about you?” Kakashi changes the subject, an abrupt turn away from the dark (and probably sensitive) nature of their conversation.  
“Sorry?”  
“How was your day? Did anything special?”  
“Um, just some D-ranks around town, really, resting until you give me a better mission,” he laughs, self-consciously. An adult, a ninja of his prowess, shouldn’t be doing those kinds of kid missions. It’s definitely an insult, one that Naruto is powerless to stop. “Went to the temple.”  
“The one by the new mail centre?”  
“Yeah, that’s the one. It’s almost too new for comfort.”  
“Tell me about it. They got some nice portraits there, though,” Kakashi adds, nearly finished with his bowl.  
Naruto’s gone through three. “They have a nice one of my dad,” he says, softly, not sad but not happy about it, either, “it’s nice to see him.”  
“I know,” Kakashi says, and he means it. He does know what it’s like to miss the Fourth, his sensei, to have a Minato-shaped hole in his heart and in his life. In that way, Kakashi knows better than most people, save Jiraiya and Naruto himself. “Sasuke goes there too, sometimes.”  
“Really? I didn’t think he, y’know, cared enough about religion to…” Naruto drops off at the end, not even sure where he was going with that.  
Kakashi laughs again, “He gives that impression, huh? I don’t know if you remember when you were kids, but he didn’t eat onions or garlic or the like at all. He’s still a real stickler about it, won’t eat anything but temple food.”  
The thought raised a memory, something faint in the back of Naruto’s mind, and it brings a smile to his face, “He can be really stubborn, huh?”

–

He decides he’s going to be a better boyfriend, and that starts with dates, right? He harrasses Sakura and Itachi into giving him date tips, and neither of those work out. Itachi’s date tips are increasingly kinkier ideas for sex with women (something which Naruto would be happy if he never knew that Itachi did and also wouldn’t be applicable in this situation), and Sakura’s are what she and Ino do on their dates. Sakura’s suggestions just get sappier and sappier, and Naruto is pretty sure that neither he, nor Neji, would enjoy it. Kakashi’s out too, because Naruto doesn’t want to ask the hokage for dating advice.

That only leaves one avenue: Kiba. Kiba is what Naruto imagines to be the ideal boyfriend. He’s patient and sexy and kind and knows exactly what Sasuke is like. And Naruto knows he knows Neji really well, so that probably is good for Naruto’s plans. Probably.

“Kiba!” Naruto hisses from behind the bush where he’s hidden outside the ANBU offices, ready to accost Kiba as he leaves work for the day.  
Sasuke, who of course is attached to Kiba like a mussel to a salt pool wall, startles, his sword already half drawn and ready to fight. “Oh, it’s you.”  
“Yeah, it’s me,” Naruto rolls his eyes, the retort coming out like they were twelve again, teammates and blood brothers, instead of the monster their relationship grew into. “Anyway, I want to talk to Kiba.”  
“What about?” Sasuke hisses, at the same time Kiba grins and says “What’s up?”  
“I need help,” Naruto starts, and Sasuke coughs with suspicious timing, “with Neji.”  
“Oh good,” Sasuke jeers, “are you finally going to break up with him? I was waiting.”  
“What is your problem?” Kiba rolls his eyes, slapping Sasuke softly on the shoulder, “you don’t have to be such a douche because your day was bad. Some of us actually enjoy our lives, thanks very much.”  
“I need dating ideas,” Naruto tries to ignore Sasuke’s commentary, just focusing on getting whatever kind of advice he can from Kiba, “you work with him, and you’re friends, and you were teammates with Hinata, so I figured you’d, y’know. Know what to do?”  
“Stop fucking him all the time. Maybe if you actually talked to the man you’d know what his hobbies and interests are,” Sasuke adds, and Naruto doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s actually good advice.  
“Maybe if you could get it up once in awhile, you’d know less about my hobbies and interests,” Kiba replies, and Naruto can’t help but laugh at that.

Sasuke shoots them both a dirty look and grits his teeth, but he doesn’t leave right then and there, and Naruto counts that as something. It’s something.

Maybe Sasuke needed to break Naruto’s nose for them to be friends again. If that’s what he needs, Naruto would gladly let him do it over and over again.

–

Karin is kind of a strange friend. She’s really smart, Naruto knows that, but also sometimes she does weird stuff. She doesn’t like people touching her (kind of like Sasuke), and she also doesn’t like having to explain herself. But she does like being the smartest kid in the room, which makes it hard for her and Naruto to have a conversation. She likes Sakura better, it’s obvious, but that means it sucks for Naruto who has to either entertain himself or try and tag along with the girls and get them to acknowledge him.

Naruto and Sakura only see Karin sometimes, and always in a different place. They travel around a lot, with Jiraiya and Tsunade and Shizune, but they always seem to end up where Orochimaru is, and therefore, where Karin must be.

They end up in the darkest part of the forest, the place where greens are nearly black and there is no sound but silence. Karin likes it here, she always says, she feels safe because she knows when people are coming and can hide. Naruto never understood: how could she be safe just on her own? Naruto’s always believed in safety in numbers, and it’s never steered him wrong.

“We’re gonna kill Orochimaru,” Karin tells him seriously, and Naruto thinks she’s joking at first.

So he laughs, and that pisses Karin off, and she punches him, square in the jaw. She’s not as strong as Sakura, but it still really hurts.

“I’m serious!” She puffs her cheeks up like a frog, looking mad that he would ever imply she’s a liar or otherwise not telling the truth.  
“Okay, okay, you’re gonna kill Orochimaru.”  
“No, we’re going to. You’re gonna help me.”

–

“You’re a fool,” Sakura tells him, blasé about the situation. She’s given him the same advice over and over, and now she’s tiring of repeating himself.  
“I know, Sakura, but I can’t help it!”  
“Yes you can, it’s really easy to stop being attracted to Sasuke Uchiha. All you have to do is fucking talk to the man.”  
“Awe, come on, he’s not that bad.”  
“Even his best friends and boyfriend say he’s a dick, and they spend all their time with him. I think they’d know.”  
“He’s just irritable! And bad at socialising.”  
“And bad at being a reasonable and good person.”

Naruto sighs and rests his head on the table, ignoring Sakura. He can’t reason with her when she’s like this, she just acts like giving up on the love he’s had for the majority of his life is something that’s easy to do.  
“You’re a lesbian, Sakura!” Naruto moans against the wood of Sasuke’s kitchen table, “that doesn’t count. I actually like men.”  
“You should find yourself a nice woman, Naruto. All men are scum,” Sakura shrugs, saying it like it’s so easy to just do.  
“Yes, Sakura, I’ll just ignore a whole half of my sexuality and dump my boyfriend for this hypothetical woman who is the love of my life.”  
“Sounds good to me.”

Naruto groans, louder, the sound building into a high pitched whine in the back of his throat, “Saaaaakuraaaaa!”  
“Naaaaarutooooo,” she mimics in reply, sticking her tongue and a middle finger at him to punctuate her words, “get over yourself. Get over him. You’re literally the only person who still wants you to be into him. Just grow some fucking balls and get on with your life.”  
“I want to but it’s hard, Sakura, come on.”  
“Is it hard or are you just not trying? Be fucking realistic, Naruto. If you’re not going to be a man and get over Sasuke, at least stop stringing poor Neji along. He really likes you.”  
“I know,” Naruto responds, his voice falling.

She has a point. Like always, she cuts straight to the heart of the issue and she has a fucking point. Naruto, uncharacteristically, is not trying very hard at all.

–

Neji looks really pretty in the moonlight. He’s so pale and soft in comparison to Naruto, his body relatively unmarred as opposed to Naruto’s dark tan and collection of scrapes and discolourations. He doesn’t look like he’s never worked a day in his life, but something in the way he carries himself is still regal; Naruto feels like a commoner allowed to see a prince whenever he’s here with Neji.

Naruto still doesn’t really believe that Neji could want him like this.  
“Why did you like me?” Naruto asks, blurting the question out and ruining their afterglow all in one. Nice one, idiot. Really sexy.  
“I,” Neji starts, frowning as he thinks about the question.  
“I mean, before. When I was… away. Sakura said Sasuke said you had my bingo book page in your locker and everything.”

Neji flushes red, clearly embarrassed that Naruto had brought that up. “He’s a dick.”  
“Is it not true?”  
Neji sighs, “It is. It was just a childhood crush, Naruto… It makes me sound creepier than it actually was, I promise. It was an innocent fantasy. I respected you for your prowess… and also for leaving the village. For knowing things were going to be bad and leaving. I only have respect for you.”  
“It wasn’t like that, I didn’t know that Danzo was going to go nuts and try to kill everybody. I just… didn’t trust him.”  
“I don’t… some people I won’t mention hold it against you for getting out. But it was as much our fault as anyone’s. We didn’t do anything to stop it, either. We should have done more.”  
“Neji,” Naruto whispers against Neji’s shoulder, leaning into him and trying to comfort him, the best he knows how, “it wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself for Danzo. You were a kid! It’s not your fault.”  
“I know,” Neji replies, but he doesn’t sound like he really means it.  
“It’s hard, to think you should’ve done more. Maybe we both could’ve. But we were kids, no one should blame us for not doing stuff that actual adults could’ve and should’ve been doing!” Naruto speaks with a forceful whisper, trying to inject as much sincerity as possible into his words, “I know it’s hard to believe it sometimes. A lot of the time. Just… try not to hurt yourself so much over the past. There’s nothing you can do about it anymore.”

Naruto doesn’t know who he’s putting more effort into convincing anymore: Neji, or himself.

“Sorry about the shitty date. This got all emotional,” Naruto apologises, pressing a soft kiss to Neji’s clavicle.  
“It’s okay. I knew you were a bad date when I asked you out.”  
“What?” Naruto whines, insulted and shocked that Neji would say something so forward and raw.  
“You think I don’t know how you fucked your way across the continent? Word does get around, Naruto.”  
“Neji, I am insulted you would defame my character like this!”  
“Do you even know what defame means, Uzumaki?”

–

The Sasuke of Naruto’s dreams is really, really sexy. He knows just how to touch Naruto the way he likes it, he comes at the same time as Naruto and always cleans up. He never accidentally uses teeth during a blowjob and he never needs to be stretched unless Naruto’s in the mood for a lot of foreplay.

The Sasuke of Naruto’s dreams is a very reliable fantasy that Naruto feels immensely ashamed about, especially when he lives with Sasuke’s brother. Seeing Itachi half an hour after Naruto gets himself off to mental images of Itachi’s little brother slaps him in the face with how he’s playing with real people, that Sasuke is a real person and not the fantastical ideal man Naruto wants to believe he is.

“Town tonight,” Itachi tells Naruto while they’re busy packing up camp for everyone, while Tsunade and Sakura are off scouting and Jiraiya is doing Sage-knows-what.  
“Thank fuck,” Naruto grins, happy to finally see civilisation after weeks of sleeping in the dirt and eating off the land, “I’m gonna buy so much ramen, you have know idea.”  
“On the contrary,” Itachi throws back sardonically, “I think I do.”  
“Euuuurrrghhhh, you don’t know what you’re missing, okay? Ramen is awesome,” Naruto tries to defend his lifestyle choices, but he and Itachi have had this argument so many times that Naruto’s running out of points.

“Want to go out tonight?” Itachi asks, a total change of conversation.  
Itachi’s a fool if he doesn’t already know Naruto’s answer, so Naruto says, “Won’t have to pay for a room that way.”  
“Sakura and Tsunade are going gambling.”  
“Oh, so we won’t have any money to pay for a room.”  
That makes Itachi laugh, the girls’ gambling habits so devastating that they can only laugh at it now. It’s an easy joke, but it usually hits its target.

“It’s our last stop before we reach Konoha. Should go out in a bang, right?”  
“Deidara rubbed off on you a little too much, I see,” Naruto ribs Itachi and bumps into his shoulder softly, “let’s have a good couple days. Then we get to see everyone again.”

The if they want to see us is implied, but it hangs heavy in the air between them all the same.

–

Naruto’s praying when Sasuke enters the temple, prostrating himself a metre away from Naruto, on Naruto’s other side. Naruto’s so shocked that he stops in his tracks, his body half bent to the floor in prayer. He watches Sasuke settle himself on a cushion and start his own prayers, a half as formal as Naruto is.

“What are you looking at, loser?” Sasuke drawls after a moment, not even turning to look at Naruto.  
“I-” Naruto stutters, but Sasuke’s already back to praying, his face pressed to the floor as he communicates with the Sage, or his ancestors, or whoever Sasuke prays to. Maybe the god of assholery.

Stay calm, Naruto, don’t pick a fight in the fucking temple, for the Sage’s sake if not your own. He goes back to his prayers, and tries not be be distracted when Sasuke walks out ten minutes later, finished with whatever he was doing.

It’s much easier to breathe after Sasuke leaves. Maybe he was taking up all the air. Naruto wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

However, when Naruto finally exits the temple, Sasuke’s waiting outside and smoking a cigarette, looking as bored as ever.  
“Hey dweeb,” Sasuke greets, ever the charmer, “what took you so long? Were you walking the Sage through your shopping list or something?”  
“I-” Naruto sputters again, going through a million excuses and reasons in his mind.  
“Don’t answer that, I don’t actually care,” Sasuke interrupts, “whatever.”  
“Whatever…” Naruto echoes, his brain still stuck on how to react to Sasuke acting so civilly.  
“Come on, loser, I’m taking you to get ramen. You still like that shit, right?”  
Naruto nods dumbly, deciding that if he doesn’t say anything then he can’t possibly fuck up too badly.

Five minutes later, when he finally gets a whiff of Sasuke’s smoke, he busts out a full sentence. “Is that weed?”  
“I thought you didn’t do drugs,” Sasuke shrugs, and it’s not a no.  
“That doesn’t mean I’ve never _smelt_

* * *

 cannabis before,” Naruto responds, horrified that Sasuke would just do that in public, “I can’t believe you’d do that in public!”  
“Okay, little miss goody two shoes,” Sasuke spits back, stubbing the roach out on his tongue and spitting the ash onto the street, “you graffitied the hokages, so I think we’re even.”  
“I was twelve!”  
“I’m only seven years older, then,” Sasuke says simply, and it’s such a stupid argument that Naruto can’t think of an appropriate response.

Naruto’s still sputtering when they arrive at Ichiraku’s, and he only manages to get his brain in order when Teuchi looks to him for his order. They only actually talk when they’re both on their third bowl, Sasuke matching Naruto for speed and hunger in a way he’s never seen before.

“How do you eat that shit?” Naruto asks before he can censor himself, pointing to Sasuke’s temple food bowl.  
“Never had anything different.”  
“Really? You never had garlic or onions or anything?”  
“Had it in Root. Surprisingly, that didn’t make me want to eat them more.”  
“Fair enough,” Naruto whispers, subdued. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–”  
“Don’t. It’s part of my life, I’m sick of sidestepping around it.”  
“Okay, I–”  
“Seriously,” Sasuke puts his chopsticks down and turns to Naruto, staring him down with the unnerving gaze of one normal eye and one Rinnegan, “I really didn’t take you out for deep emo conversations about our shitty childhoods.”  
“Why did you, then?”  
“Kiba said if I wasn’t nice to you he’d withhold sex.”

That didn’t sound realistic, because every time Kiba and Naruto have discussed their sex lives, Kiba had been complaining about how little Sasuke actually wanted to bone. According to Kiba, it’s very unfair that Neji gets to come in every day looking like the cat who got the cream and Kiba doesn’t get shit but a Sasuke on ecstasy trying to do his paperwork. Naruto doesn’t push the issue.

“That sucks,” Naruto agrees, trying his best to look sympathetic.  
“It really does.”

They’re on their fourth bowl when their conversation picks up again, as they both start heatedly bitching about Kakashi. It reminds Naruto of old times, the way they used to bond over Kakashi’s failings as a sensei and all his stupid idiosyncrasies that he still hasn’t grown out of. Kakashi’s still a douche and a pervert, but now he just has a fancier hat to go with it.

It’s pretty strange how after everything has happened, not much seemed to change at all. At the heart of them all, they’re still the same people. Naruto takes comfort in that.


End file.
